


The Amazing Adventures of Two Girls From Brooklyn

by Maia_saura, potofsoup



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Body Horror, F/F, Female Bucky Barnes, Female Steve Rogers, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to the Holocaust, Rule 63, anti-Semitism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 05:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11284326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maia_saura/pseuds/Maia_saura, https://archiveofourown.org/users/potofsoup/pseuds/potofsoup
Summary: The third time Stella Rogers almost died, she was nineteen years old.  She had buried her mother the month before, and she was living alone in their old drafty apartment when she caught something that left her feverish and breathless.Bucky came over to take care of her, and never left.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Captain America Reverse Big Bang challenge 2017.
> 
>  
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> Amazing art, beta, (and the best plot points) by [potofsoup](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potofsoup/pseuds/potofsoup). Words by [Maia_saura](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Maia_saura/works)
> 
> Beta help from [CaptainHoney ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainHoney/pseuds/CaptainHoney) (who was extremely gracious to help out super last minute). All mistakes can be attributed to [Maia_saura](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Maia_saura/works)

Chapter 1

The third time Stella Rogers almost died, she was nineteen years old. She had buried her mother the month before, and she was living alone in their old drafty apartment when she caught something that left her feverish and breathless.

Bucky came over to take care of her, and never left.

Bucky appeared blurry and glowing when she appeared, then faded from Stella’s view. Soon, the apartment began to smell faintly of watered-down chicken soup, and coffee. There was tasteless broth put to Stella’s lips, and something black that tasted like tar that she suspected was medicine. Stella was pretty sure that the priest came by, but she couldn’t even open her eyes at that point.

She did remember this: Bucky’s voice, hoarse and soft, telling Stella that she wasn’t allowed to die over and over again. Bucky’s hand was soft and firm as it held onto hers. “I’m with you until the end of the line, Stella,” Bucky had whispered. “And this ain’t the end of the line, pal.”

Stella tried to reply, but she couldn’t find her voice so she just squeezed Bucky’s hand as hard as she could to let her know that she heard Bucky’s demands.

Slowly, painfully, Stella clawed her way back to consciousness.

The first time she opened her eyes and the lights weren’t too bright and swirling, Bucky was asleep next to her. When Stella tried to move, Bucky was up immediately. She looked at Stella with red swollen eyes, stained with tears, and said, “Stella Grace Rogers, if you wanted me to move in, all you had to do was ask, you didn’t have go and catch pneumonia.”

“Buck-” Stella’s throat hurt, but she could tell the worst of it was over.

“You gotta learn to be less dramatic about asking for what you want, kid,” Bucky smiled, but tears were falling out of her eyes.

Stella tried to smile back. Judging by the way Bucky was looking at her, it was not a good attempt. As Stella’s eyes drooped close again, she felt Bucky kissing her on the top of her head, light as a feather.

When Stella finally recovered enough to get out of bed, Bucky knitted her two huge blue scarves. Bucky was really good with lots of things but knitting was not one of them. The scarves were lumpy and they were so scratchy that Stella almost thought Bucky made them that way intentionally to punish her for getting so sick, but Stella wore them anyway.

~~~

The next time Stella almost died was about two months later. It was a warm Wednesday evening, and Stella was walking home after getting paid for the two dirty pictures she drew for a men’s magazine. She was deep in thought about what she wanted to buy for Bucky with the extra money in her pocket when she heard them.

Two large men — Irish, like her, judging by their accent — had a teenage boy cornered in the alley. Stella was only about three blocks from her apartment, but she didn’t recognize the men. She knew the boy. Elijah was trying his best to look smaller than he already was, his hands pressed tightly against the brick wall behind him. But Stella knew it was no good. She heard the word they were calling him, she knew the tenor of the hatred in their voice. Elijah’s kippah was trampled under the larger of the two men’s foot.

As they advanced toward Elijah, Stella looked around frantically for something to throw at them, and came up with just the top of the trash bin. She picked it up and hurled it as hard as she could at them-- she might be small, but she had good aim. It struck the one on the left’s torso with a hard thud, and he cursed in pain.

“What the hell?”

“Leave him alone,” Stella yelled. They both turned to her, their eyes hard.

“Run!” Elijah shouted.

Stella only bolted when it looked like they would follow her, and give Elijah a chance to get away.

It worked, and they chased after her. But it didn’t take long for larger one to overtake her and grab Stella by her jacket. He yanked her so hard against him Stella’s teeth chattered in her mouth.

“What do we have here? A Jew lover or a fairy?” The large man asked as he held Stella roughly and shook her. Stella was wearing her trousers, and she realized at once that with her short chopped hair and no chest, they thought she was a boy.

“Might be both,” the other one said as he advanced toward Stella with his fist raised, and his teeth bared.

Stella had some idea of what a punch from a guy that size would do to her when she was held like this (the last time it happened, the guy was much smaller), but she was more certain that if she survived this, Bucky was going to kill her.

“What the hell are you doing?” Bucky’s voice came from somewhere behind them as if summoned by Stella’s thought.

Bucky was suddenly next to them and before the either of the two men could react, Stella caught a flash of something metal connecting with the larger one’s back. Stella was pretty sure it was the wrench that Bucky always carried with her even when she was not at her Pa’s mechanics shop.

As the larger one doubled over in pain, Bucky was already kicking the other one in the knee, and striking him hard with her wrench across his face.

Stella was dropped to the ground. Bucky grabbed her right hand, pulled Stella up, and then they were both running as fast as they could.

“Help! Help!” Bucky screamed as she ran, playing the part of damsel in distress even though Stella was pretty sure Bucky had just broken one of the guys’ noses. It took Stella a block of running to realize that Bucky had been dressed for evening mass. She had her nice church dress on and her Sunday shoes.

The two guys were smart enough not to follow them. They may have thought Stella was a boy, but chasing a lady in her church dress after evening mass in this neighborhood was going to get them murdered.

By the time Stella and Bucky made it back to their apartment, Stella was completely out of breath. Maybe it was hysteria, but as Bucky slammed their apartment door closed, she started to laugh. She tried to imagine the two guys in the alley’s confusion at what had happened, and laughed harder.

“What the hell is wrong with you Rogers?” Bucky asked as she glared at Stella.

Stella tried to catch her breath and to pause between the laughter to give Bucky an answer, but she couldn’t. And soon enough Bucky was laughing with her.

“I had them on the ropes,” Stella finally managed to say.

“Sure you did,” Bucky said. Then she frowned as she picked at the edge of her dress which had a large tear and a grease stain toward the bottom. It must have happened between the fight and the run. “Damn it. Ma’s going to kill me.”

“I’ll buy you a new dress,” Stella said immediately as she felt for the money in her pocket-- grateful it was still there.

Bucky looked back at her with a mixture of affection and exasperation. “What am I going to do with you, Stella? When are you going to stop picking fights?”

~~~

As far as Stella knew, Bucky had only ever started one fight.

Bucky was fifteen years old when her breasts suddenly came in. It was like she had gone to sleep one night with a flat chest and woke up with a set of boobs worthy of any pinup girl. At school everyone noticed. Bucky had always been well liked by the boys but when she started to look like a woman more than a girl, suddenly the boys were all fighting for her attention.

But Bucky didn’t really make time with any of them. She flirted and sassed them sometimes, but she never went out with them and saved all her pennies to go to the movies with Stella instead.

Then, on a bright Friday afternoon, Declan O’Brien asked Bucky to go get ice cream with him after school, and Stella thought this was the beginning of the end of her monopoly on Bucky’s attention.

Stella knew all the other girls at school were falling all over themselves to get Declan to notice them. Declan, at sixteen, was a head taller than all the other boys in their class. He had rakish dark hair and deep blue eyes.

Bucky looked for a moment at Declan’s perfect hair, then told him no, she already had plans with Stella.

But Declan probably wasn’t used to taking no for an answer.

“What if we went double? I can pay Miles to take her.” Declan said like Stella wasn’t standing right there. Stella felt herself heat up like a bucket of coals.

Bucky’s reply turned curt. “No, thank you.” She grabbed Stella’s hand and started walking away.

“It’s not like Stella’s going to get a better offer. That skinny slip of a thing ain’t gonna ever get a fella unless she has help. She probably won’t live long enough to--” Declan started to call out after them.

Declan never got to finish what it was Stella wasn’t going to live long enough to do because that’s when Bucky turned around and punched Declan squarely in the jaw. Bucky’s fist connected hard with Declan’s face, and sent him back several paces.

Stella stepped in front of Bucky, squared her shoulders and readied herself for a fight, But Declan didn’t move like he was going to fight them, he just rubbed his tender jaw and spat at them. “I don’t fight girls.”

“Good for you,” Bucky said.

Bucky made a point to spit right back at him, then took Stella’s hand again and walked away.

Stella was so surprised by the entire turn of events, she didn’t know what to say to Bucky, so she kept her mouth shut. Bucky didn’t say anything either as she marched them back to Sarah Rogers’ apartment where they did their homework.

It wasn’t the first time Stella had heard someone talk about her like she was broken. She had heard it most of her life-- half the neighborhood saw her and found her wanting. She knew she was too skinny, too frail to make anyone a good wife-- too sickly to ever carry anyone’s babies. And Stella was too angry and too mouthy to be thought of as one of those delicate Victorian novel heroines who died of consumption halfway through the book.

It wasn’t like Stella wanted that sort of attention anyway, so it never really bothered her.

As she and Bucky settled at Stella’s Ma’s table to do their homework, Stella started to tell Bucky that she didn’t care when people talked that way about her, but before she could, Bucky said, “you’re worth ten of him.”

Bucky wasn’t even looking at her when she said it, but her words were spoken with such vehemence, Stella didn’t contradict her-- and anyway, Stella knew that Bucky meant it. Stella knew she was smiling stupidly, but she couldn’t help it. The smile wouldn’t go away even when she had to run some cold water over Bucky’s swollen knuckles before Bucky went home.

~~~

After the latest alley fight, it took two weeks for Stella to finally convince Bucky to let Stella buy her the fabric for a new dress to replace the one she ripped. Stella told her it would also be Bucky’s extra early Christmas present.

“It’s not even May yet,” Bucky complained.

“So you’ll get plenty of wear out of it before you have to put it away,” Stella said.

They ended up at the garment district together even though it was a far trek from their home, but Stella insisted. She wanted to see all the options.

They were in a small dark shop on 12th Street when she saw Bucky pausing in front of a bolt of sky blue cotton, Bucky’s eyes eating up the yards of fabric.

Stella went over to the roll and lightly ran her fingers across it. It felt soft and cool against her.

“It’s too expensive,” Bucky said after a pause. “I’ll just end up tearing it again when we get into another fight.”

Stella felt her face warm at Bucky’s choice of words. They both knew that Bucky was not the one who went looking for trouble even though she carried that wrench with her everywhere. It was Stella who got into fights except for that one time--

“Well, it’ll be a good reason for me not to go looking for trouble,” Stella said.

Bucky let Stella buy her the blue fabric.

~~~

Bucky’s Ma made the dress for Bucky. It was probably longer than Bucky would have liked, but it fit her perfectly when she tried it on. Bucky obligingly twirled the dress for Stella and her family. Even Bucky’s three younger brothers told her that she looked nice in it.

“Maybe it’ll finally get you a husband,” Jamie said. Bucky threw the measuring tape at him.

“What do I need a fella for when I got three brothers and you to take care of,” Bucky had said to Stella once.

Stella had felt her whole body warm at Bucky’s words, like hot soup on a cold rainy day.

Stella knew she was selfish. She wasn’t ready to share Bucky with a guy yet (not ever). But she also knew that Bucky liked the flirting and the attention. She could see the secret pride on Bucky’s face when Bucky knew all the guys’ eyes followed her when Bucky swung her hips just so as she walked. Stella guiltily looked too-- her eyes ate up the way that dresses hugged Bucky’s curves, the soft swell of Bucky’s breasts, the way they heaved when they had been running and chasing each other about, or when Bucky had been dancin’.

Stella loved watching Bucky dance. Even though Bucky was almost always the tallest girl in a crowd, taller than a lot of the fellas, she was never short on partners when they went to the dance halls. Bucky danced like there was someone choreographing her moves, like she was the star of a movie. She made all her partners looked good.

Sometimes, Bucky dragged Stella to the dance halls in Manhattan where no one knew them so when Stella wore her trousers everyone assumed she was just another short guy dancing with a lady far out of his league. It would have been easier to dance as two girls, but Stella would sometimes get asked by a fella to dance when she was in a dress, and she didn’t want to dance with anyone but Bucky.

The Friday after Bucky’s Ma made her new blue dress, she put it on with a smile like the cat that ate the canary, and Stella knew it was a dance hall in Manhattan night. Bucky was watching Stella, waiting for her smile back.

“You’re going to have to beat them back with a stick in that dress,” Stella said as they walked out of their apartment.

“Nah, I got you as my date,” Bucky said as she held Stella’s hand. “And my date bought me the dress and all.”

Stella blushed, but she let herself pretend-- just that night-- that they were on a date like a real couple. She let herself get caught looking at Bucky’s chest at the dance hall. Stella watched Bucky’s breath rising and falling as the blue fabric clung to her breasts, slightly damp and almost see through as she swung Bucky around and around the dance floor--until Stella was dizzy with the same longing that threatened to swallow her whole.

~~~

Stella had known how she felt about Bucky since the second time she almost died. She was fourteen years old.

It was a bitterly cold day in the middle of January, and all youths had been stuck in church after mass to listen to Father Collins lecturing them on the carnal sins of the body. The lecture was made worse by Father Collins gesturing dramatically with his prosthetic wooden hand while giving dire warnings about the defying the will of God.

Stella’s lungs had been constricting painfully all morning, so she was only half listening when Father Collins cautioned the boys on the dangers of la petite mort.

It was such a funny way of asking the boys not to touch themselves, Stella almost laughed. She looked automatically to Bucky to share the joke, forgetting that Bucky wasn’t there that day because Bucky had to go help her Ma with Bucky’s newborn baby brother. Stella’s eyes found Bucky’s younger brothers Jamie and Michael instead. They were both too young to understand Father Collins’ euphemisms, and too scared to ask questions, so Stella stored away the anecdote to tell Bucky later.

After the long lecture, Stella slowly filed out of the church with the rest of the kids into the freezing winter air. One moment she was looking up at the glittering snow gathering on the tree branches, and the next moment, her lungs seized all together and she could not breathe. Stella tried to cry out, but no sound came out as the ground fell toward her.

Distantly, she heard Jamie yelling for Michael to get Bucky.

Stella’s world was rapidly darkening when she felt herself getting picked up and shaken by a familiar set of arms. Bucky was reaching roughly into her pocket, searching for her medicine. Then she was squeezing Stella’s mouth open and forcing it down her throat.

“Stay with me Stella,” Bucky said. “Breathe for me. You can do it. In and out, come on, pal, you can do it.”

Stella hung on to Bucky’s voice to keep herself conscious as the medicine slowly, slowly relaxed her chest. She felt Bucky supporting all of her weight as Stella fought for breath. Bucky was there with her-- breath after breath.

“There you go, stay with me, Stella.”

Stella’s sight haltingly started to clear. Though there were still spots dancing across her vision, she gradually focused on Bucky’s face, Bucky’s eyes--the color of the deep parts of the ocean.

“Breathe. That’s it, Stella.”

Bucky was holding her tightly, surrounding Stella in her embrace. Every inhale Stella took, she breathed in Bucky, who smelled like engine oil and burnt sugar, and achingly familiar.

A rush of warmth hit Stella all at once like a physical wave, and Stella suddenly understood.

Oh, little deaths, Stella thought hysterically, as she breathed with Bucky.

By the time, Jamie had gotten Sarah Rogers to Stella’s side, Stella knew she would continue breathing, and her world would keep going even though it had completely shifted and silently realigned itself between one breath and the next.

~~~

The world kept on going, even when war broke out in Europe and Asia. Stella never wished she was a boy more than in those early days when refugees started to pour in to New York and the reports started to surface on what the Axis powers were doing to the people they conquered.

Stella tried to volunteer as a nurse to go overseas, but she was rejected on the account of her health. She never told Bucky about her failed attempt to join the war effort. She knew it would only lead to a fight.

A month after a German U-boat sunk a U.S. steamship, Elijah’s father got Stella a job as a typist at some sort of weapons manufacturer. It made her feel like she was doing something to help, and it paid extremely well, but it wasn’t a normal typist position.

Stella was given handwritten notes-- often written on napkins, sometimes written on scraps of newspaper--to transcribe. It was her job to decipher the writing and type them up. Stella could tell the notes were about construction of weapons and advanced machinery, but they were not like anything that Stella had ever seen.

About two months after Stella had started working there, the notes came with a hand drawn diagram that was so poorly done it looked more like a hamster on a wheel than what it was supposed to be. Stella had been reading the notes long enough by then that she understood what the mysterious writer was actually trying to illustrate, so Stella redid the diagram along with the notes when she handed in her work.

Whoever the diagram and the notes were for must have liked what she did, because after that Stella got a lot more diagrams to redraw. She even got her own office to do her work where no one bothered her or pointed out to her that she came into work with her stockings ripped.

Stella understood why she got her own office -- the notes and drawings were describing machines and weapons that seemed like they came from the pulp magazines that Bucky read. They were more advanced than anything that existed in real life.

Stella wished she could show the drawings and notes to Bucky, because she was sure that Bucky would love them. Bucky understood any thing with a gear or a motor in it better than anyone else Stella knew. Bucky was already a full mechanic in all but name at her Pa’s shop. But it had been made very clear to Stella when she was hired that if she ever shared the details of her job, she would not only be fired, but she would be jail or worse.

That didn’t stop Bucky from asking about Stella’s job though. Bucky made it into a game where she just started making up what it was Stella’s company was working on.

“Hey, Stella, did you help design any talking robots today?” Bucky would ask after they had both gotten home after work. Bucky would smell lightly of car grease and gasoline as she cooked dinner for them.

Or, “When is your fancy machine shop gonna make some flying cars? I had to change three tires today, sure would be nice if the cars didn’t need those any more.”

“You are a jerk, you know that,” Stella said without heat. She certainly wasn’t going to mention that there had been notes and diagrams on something that looked suspiciously like a flying car just the week before.

Bucky just laughed, and went back to boiling some tough meat into submission.

~~~

About a week after Stella got her own office, she began wearing trousers to work instead of skirts like the actual stenographers. She wasn’t trying to dress like a man, but all her pants used to belong to Michael before he had overgrown them. (Jamie had always been taller than Stella by several inches.).

Bucky had first brought a pair of Michael's old trousers for Stella to wear when Stella tore all of her clothes--her one skirt and two dresses-- in the same week.

Once Stella had put on the pants, she immediately loved how she could move in them and not worry about showing too much leg or somehow soiling her reputation--

Bucky had laughed then scowled at her when Stella showed Bucky how she could fight better in them, but Bucky did agree that they were more practical for Stella, who ruined more clothes than anyone they knew.

Stella had been wearing her one good skirt (only patched up twice) at the new typist job because she didn’t want to embarrass Elijah’s father, who had gotten her the job. But her boss, Mr. Erskine, did not seem to care how she was dressed. He never commented when Stella came to work with stains on her skirt and holes in her stockings. The day Mr. Erskine had given Stella her own office, Stella had some dried blood on her blouse that she couldn’t get out. Mr. Erskine didn’t even look at it.

When Stella handed him her completed work, Mr. Erskine would just raise his glasses on his head to review the papers rather than look at her. But he was always generous with his compliments on the work Stella had done in his soft German accent.

Stella liked him very much.

~~~

On a cool day in September, when Stella was looking particular boyish, Howard Stark ducked into her office and closed the door. He held up an index finger in front of his mouth to make a hushing noise. Stella recognized him immediately from the newspapers, but she had never seen him at her work before. Suddenly, her job made more sense.

But Stark didn’t seem to care about what Stella was working on. Instead, he dove under her desk and hid.

Outside, Stella heard the sound of high heels rapidly striking the ground and then fading away down the hallway.

“Are you hiding?” Stella asked after five minutes of silence.

“No,” Stark said. “I am most definitely not hiding.”

Stella shrugged and went back to her work while Stark fell asleep under her desk.

When it was time to leave for the night, Stark was still snoring softly on the ground by her desk. Stella shook him awake.

“I have to lock up,” Stella said. “I think whoever you were hiding from probably gave up by now.”

“For the record, I don’t hide,” Stark said, then slowly slinked out of Stella’s office. As he closed the door behind him, he added, “Your ground is very comfortable.”

Stella watched him go and wondered if she should mention to someone that Howard Stark hid under her desk all day. In the end, she decided to keep it to herself. There were plenty of security guards and military police at her work, and she figured if Stark could get into the building, he was cleared to be sleeping under her desk.

Then, Stark started showing up semi-regularly to hide (or to nap, honestly Stella wasn’t sure any more) under her desk. It was odd, but Stark didn’t really bother her, and he looked like he could use the rest.

Stark did start to comment on Stella’s work when he wasn’t napping. He gave Stella precise directions and changes to the notes themselves, and without actually saying it, he made it very obvious that the notes (and the horribly drawn diagrams) came from him.

“You’re not half bad at this,” Stark said one afternoon while lying under Stella’s desk with his eyes closed. Stella had just finished turning something that looked like a monkey choking on a cabbage into a functional diagram of a modification to the internal combustion engine, but she didn’t think Stark could see what she was working on from the floor.

“Neither are you,” Stella said, and lightly shoved him with her shoe.

Stark opened one eye, smiled at Stella, then started snoring again shortly thereafter.

Stella wished she could tell Bucky about Stark’s random visits and naps in her office. Bucky loved reading about Stark Industries’ newest and greatest inventions, and Bucky did occasionally comment on Stark’s latest exploits on the society pages. Stella knew Bucky would get a kick out of learning about Stella’s regular contacts with Stark. But Howard Stark didn’t seem like a millionaire genius inventor playboy when he slept under Stella’s desk. He just seemed like a very tired man.

~~~

Right before All Saints Day, Stark noticed Stella was a girl.

“You’re a girl,” Stark said apropos of nothing when he woke up from a nap.

Though Stella had gotten used to Stark’s non-sequitur comments, this particular observation caused a moment of panic as Stella wondered wildly if she had some lady part showing where Stark could see it, but as she looked down to examine her clothes she didn’t find anything incriminating.

“Is that a problem?” Stella asked when Stark didn’t say anything else. She squared her shoulders, ready for a fight.

She did not get a response, and Stark appeared to have gone back to sleep again.

That night, Bucky shoved Stella into a dress for the first time in weeks for dinner with Bucky’s family.

“Ow,” Stella complained as Bucky pulled close the front of Stella’s dress with more force than necessary.

“I think that job making flying saucers for the war is good for you,” Bucky said. “You’ve actually gained some meat on your bones with all the extra groceries you’ve been bringing home.”

“Maybe it’s all your cooking,” Stella said. She caught Bucky’s hands before Bucky could try to smush Stella’s non-existent breasts together.

Bucky laughed, “My Ma would be happy about that. But don’t mention it to her, lest you give her hope that I won’t die a spinster.”

Stella swallowed hard. Despite how Bucky acted and talked around her brothers and Stella, Bucky was real ladylike when she needed to be (unlike Stella) and she was unfailingly charming to all the the ladies at church.

Bucky’s Ma had recently started to chat up the other mothers around the neighborhood about their kids’ marriage prospects, all of them desperate to get their hands on grandbabies before the war came any closer. Uncle Sam already instituted the draft that summer, and people were talking about when, not if, the war was coming on to American soil.

“Hey,” Bucky must have caught the expression on her face. “Don’t worry, Ma’s too busy worrying about Jamie courting Leah to have any time for me. Who knows what she will do when she remembers the stubbornness that’s in all Barnes’ blood. There ain’t no force on earth that’s going to make Jamie look at one of those nice Catholic girls once his mind is made up.”

“Well, I know something about that stubborn Barnes’ blood,” Stella said, and Bucky smiled at her slowly and with teeth.

~~~

Mrs. Barnes was forever mournful that Bucky cooked like a “poor bachelor who grew up with wolves” (Mrs. Barnes’ words) because Bucky’s Ma was known in the neighborhood to be a particularly excellent cook. But even the delicious pelmeni she made that evening didn’t seem to diffuse the tension at the table while Mrs. Barnes and Jamie stared sullenly at each other.

Michael and Tommy tore into their food and didn’t say a word, but Bucky and her Pa tried to keep the conversation going at the table.

“Mr. Sapozhnik just needs to buy a new car. It will cost him less in the long run than all the parts and repairs,” Bucky said to her Pa.

Mr. Barnes was a very large man, but he spoke softly, and always moved with a deliberate gentleness.

“He won’t be happy to hear it. You’ll have to explain it to his wife in Russian why he needs a new car,” Mr. Barnes said as he helped himself to another serving of the dumplings.

“His wife only speaks Yiddish not Russian,” Mrs. Barnes said impatiently.

Mr. Barnes chewed his food thoughtfully, and then said, “Bucky, you’ll have to explain to his wife in Yiddish why he needs a new car.”

“Yes, sir,” Bucky said, hiding her smile into her plate. But Stella saw it anyway. She suspected that Mr. Barnes knew perfectly well what language Mrs. Sapozhnik spoke. “Maybe Ma can make some of those teacakes that Mrs. Sapozhnik likes when I go tell her. They’ll still need a good mechanic when they get a new car.”

The distraction worked. Mrs. Barnes’ focus turned to Bucky, as she bemoaned how Bucky’s last attempt at baking had been a waste of butter.

~~~

Three days after the Japanese attacked Hawaii, Jamie Barnes proposed to Leah Eckerman and two traditional set of parents lost their minds. (It was also the third time that Stella tried to volunteer to go overseas and failed.)

Bucky and Stella’s apartment became temporary sanctuary for the young couple to hide from their parents (separately) until cooler tempers prevailed.

Bucky and Leah’s brothers-in-law kept everyone fed with a constant supply of soda bread and bagels for five tense days until Mrs. Barnes and Mrs.Eckerman both decided the near prospects of grandbabies at the eve of war was more important than anything else and a wedding was planned for two weeks later. (Stella was happy for the couple, but also privately relieved she didn't have to eat so much bread any more. Bucky’s soda bread was hard as rocks, and Stella was in serious fear of cracking her teeth.)

~~~

Stella didn’t remember much of Jamie and Leah’s wedding. Bucky’s uncles decided to make sure all the Barnes' came to the event with the proper amount of spirits and even Mrs. Barnes had a good long sip of whiskey. Bucky, who always held her liquor well didn't seem to be affected, but Stella’s head was swimming after one drink.

Stella clung to Bucky’s arm throughout the wedding, tipsy and red faced. Bucky never left her side. Not even when the dancing started.

“Go on, Buck, this is your favorite part,” Stella said after the third time Bucky turned down an invitation to dance to sit with Stella. Bucky was wearing her blue dress, with her hair done up in ringlets and she looked so gorgeous that it almost hurt to look at her.

“Only one person I want to dance with at a wedding,” Bucky said quietly as she unclenched Stella’s hands which Stella hasn’t realized she had drew up into fists. Then, Bucky leaned over and closed the distance between them with a kiss on Stella’s cheek, just to the left of Stella’s lips. Bucky’s soft curls brushed against Stella’s neck.

Stella felt her breath leaving her, every exhale full of want and want and want.

~~~

After a late March snowstorm that ended the winter that year, the weather abruptly turned warm and beautiful. It was almost like the weather was trying to make up for the worsening news about the fighting in the Pacific and Atlantic.

Men around the neighborhood were slowly disappearing into the fog of war. And even though Bucky never said a word, Stella knew Jamie was already registered for the draft. Often, Stella caught Bucky staring off into the distance, slowly worrying her lips into a bright shade of crimson.

After the first Sunday mass in April, Bucky took Stella to Prospect Park to read and draw.

Bucky led them all the way to Quaker Hill. It was long walk to get there on a sunny day, and Stella was warm and a little out of breath when Bucky finally decided they had found the perfect spot.

Stella wasn’t sure if she had ever been to this part of Prospect Park before. Despite the nice weather, only a few couples wandered past them, hand in hand.

Stella laid down under a shade tree and made herself comfortable, while Bucky got out the book she had been reading and sat down next to her. 

Stella had her sketchbook and a pencil in her pocket, but she wasn’t quite ready to start drawing yet. Stella settled on just looking at Bucky as she read, watching the shadows of the leaves caressing her face when they picked up the wind.

Stella’s eyes eventually landed on the spine of Bucky’s library book. She had been expecting one of the many science fiction thrillers that Bucky loved, but to her surprise Bucky was reading a book of poetry.

“Never figured you for a poetry reading kind of girl,” Stella teased.

“I have hidden depths, Rogers.” Bucky smiled and turned away from Stella slightly, but Stella could tell that a light blush had flashed across Bucky’s cheeks.

“Read me a poem?” Stella asked, even more curious than before.

Bucky held Stella’s eyes for a moment, as if she was deciding something. Then she read out loud in her clear voice, “My mouth doth water, and my breast doth swell, My tongue doth itch, my thoughts in labor be; Listen then, lordings, with good ear to me.”

“That sounds kind of dirty, Buck,” Stella said. “I didn’t realize it was one of those poems.”

“Most poems are kind of dirty, Stella. The poets used them to get girls to fall into bed with them.” Bucky turned back toward Stella and leaned forward. “They’re used for courting.”

“Does that work?” Stella asked, her breath coming faster together as she and Bucky locked eyes again.

“You tell me,” Bucky said. Then she leaned forward until their noses were almost touching. Bucky’s hair brushing against Stella’s face.

Stella’s head fogged over, and she stopped thinking altogether as she lifted herself off the ground and closed the distance until their lips touched.

The kiss lasted a second-- or maybe an eternity. Stella had no idea. Want knifed through her entire body, and she struggled not to press her entire being into Bucky and deepen the kiss.

Almost as if from a dream, she felt Bucky begin to open her mouth-- to speak? To say no?

And Stella’s head abruptly cleared as she pulled herself back roughly and dropped back to the ground. The lingering contact of Bucky’s lips scorching her. She felt out of breath and flushed all at once.

Stella searched desperately for something to say to Bucky and came up blank. A long moment of silence passed, then another…

“Hey, it’s okay,” Bucky said softly, as Stella’s heart tried its best to jump out of her chest. “I know you’re just doing research for one of your dirty pictures. Gotta kiss a girl if you want to draw it properly.”

Stella knew that Bucky was giving her an out, but Stella wasn’t sure if she wanted to take it. It seemed cowardly, but Stella couldn’t bring herself to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“Don’t know if I got the figure of your pinups,” Bucky continued as if Stella had spoken--had taken the out that Bucky was giving her. “I mean, the size of the tits you draw on them, those gals must have a hard time standing up straight without back pain. Mine are just the right size to let me bend over to look at an engine though--”

Stella knew that Bucky was being kind. The way that Bucky was always kind, but Stella’s mind was still reeling from the kiss, and the filter between her mouth and her mind stopped connecting.

“Can I touch them?” Stella asked, then she felt her entire face aflame when she realized what she had said.

Bucky laughed. “You want to touch my tits? Sure thing, Stella. When you draw me like one of your girls in the magazines, just make sure no one can recognize me.”

Stella started to object, to tell Bucky that she would never draw Bucky that way (for anyone else to see) but Bucky already dropped her book beside her, and picked up Stella’s right hand with both of her hands and pressed them to Bucky’s chest. Stella’s hand was pressed so close on Bucky’s chest, she could feel the soft give of flesh, and the rapid beat of Bucky’s heart underneath.

When Stella dared to look Bucky’s face, Bucky was looking back at her -- a mixture of fondness and affection. It was everything that Stella could ask for and not nearly enough. But looking at Bucky in that moment-- the way Bucky held her gaze--Stella knew with sharp certainty that Bucky would say yes to anything that Stella would ask of her. Just as Stella could never ask that of her--

Slowly, they just breathed together. Neither looking away for a long time.

~~~

But the next day when she came home after work, Stella’s world shifted again.

Bucky was sitting at their dinky little dining table, but she had chopped her hair short, and she was wearing pants and suspenders. Bucky was dressed like--

“No, you didn’t--”

“James Buchanan Barnes. Reporting to basic training next week,” Bucky said.

“Bucky--”

Bucky held up a piece of paper. Stella knew it was Jamie’s draft registration.

“They’re going force Jamie into the war sooner or later. It’s better this way, better they never come looking for him. God willing, the war will be over by the time Michael is old enough to be drafted.”

Stella felt her eyes swell with tears, but she couldn’t find any words.

Bucky held out her arms, and Stella walked into them, and held on.

Bucky breathed into Stella’s hair, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m proud of you, Buck. You’ll be making a difference,” Stella said. It was true, but somehow it didn’t make the pain in Stella’s chest any less.

“Jamie hasn’t said anything, but Leah told me she’s expecting already,” Bucky said softly. “It’s probably a good thing no one will expect me to make my future niece or nephew any baby clothes. I could never make anything that’s not scratchy.”

Stella laughed like she was supposed to, even as she was soaking Bucky’s shirt with her tears.

~~~

If Stella could figure out how Bucky managed to get through the physical that allowed her to pass as a guy, Stella would have enlisted in a heartbeat, but Stella knew Bucky would never tell her.

The day Bucky shipped out for basic training, Stella went to one of the recruitment centers dressed like a fella, but the entryway of the office allowed for a full view of all the guys with no shirt on waiting for their turn for the physical examination. So Stella walked right back out.

The emptiness of their apartment was the worst part. When Stella returned home, she kept on expecting to find Bucky at their stove burning their food. Or when Stella did their laundry, she kept on forgetting she didn’t have to get out car grease stains any more.

Stella started spending more and more time at work to avoid home and to hide from the silence in the apartment. Stella knew it was just her imagination, but it felt like Bucky had left a physical vacuum in all the spaces where she used to be, sucking up the air in the apartment until Stella found it hard to breathe inside.

Stella even took to writing letters to Bucky at work instead of at home.

But Stella saved reading Bucky’s letters for when she was alone, so she could freely let herself fall apart if she felt like it-- even though Bucky’s letters were never sad. Stella was sure that Bucky kept out all the parts of her training that were miserable and scary. Instead, Bucky’s letters were full of adventure and mischief. All about the quirks of the guys that were training with Bucky--the guy who could never find his left sock (because Bucky kept on stealing them), a fella named Bryon from Iowa who was teaching Bucky about tractor engines, and all the friends Bucky made by sharing her cigarettes.

Unsurprisingly, Bucky excelled at being a soldier like Bucky did at most things (except cooking and cleaning and sewing). Bucky told Stella the Army was sending her to additional training, and maybe promoting her before she got shipped out.

The day after Stella received the letter about Bucky getting additional training from the Army, Stella walked into a recruitment office in Queens to try to enlist again (this was her fourth time). Predictably, this one also required its volunteers to take their shirts off for the physical exam. But unlike the other recruitment offices, when Stella tried to walk out without drawing attention, she walked straight into Mr. Erskine.

“Ms. Rogers?” Mr. Erskine had the same warmth on his face whenever he saw Stella, but then Mr. Erskine took a longer look at how Stella was dressed--the intentional way that Stella had bound her flat chest, the suspenders, her hat-- and his expression shifted into something Stella couldn’t interpret.

Stella felt her face turn a furious shade of red. She didn’t think Mr. Erskine would fire her, but this was pretty radical, even for her.

“How about we go to my office for a cup of tea?” Mr. Erskine asked after a moment.

Stella nodded, not sure what else to do. She had no idea why Mr. Erskine had an office at the recruitment center even though she had some vague understanding that she already worked for the U.S. government.

Without a word, she followed him to a small office in the back of the building. Mr. Erskine gestured for Stella to sit down at a comfortable looking chair across from a desk. She sat down mutely.

Like Mr. Erskine’s office in Brooklyn where Stella worked, the walls in this office were bare. The were no books in this one, but there was a hot plate with a kettle on it.

“So, you want to go overseas? Kill some Nazis?” Mr. Erskine asked as he turned on the hot plate.

It was such an odd question, Stella did not reply for a moment. When she finally understood what he was asking, she almost laughed.

“Where are you from Mr. Erskine?” Stella asked.

Mr. Erskine was silent for a moment, taken aback by Stella’s question.

“Queens. 73rd Street and Utopia Parkway. Before that, Germany. But you knew this, yes, Ms. Rogers?”

“I’ve lived off Bedford Avenue all of my life. I’ve heard plenty about what happened to people in Germany to know you probably didn’t leave by choice.”

Stella could tell this was not the answer Mr. Erskine had expected. He shifted his glasses on his head.

“So, you want to kill Nazis? Free my people?”

“I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t like bullies, no matter where they are from. No one should be treated differently because they’re different.”

Different like me, Stella didn’t say, but she knew Mr. Erskine heard it anyway.

“I don’t think I can help you join the army, Ms. Rogers, but I can invite you to join the war effort more directly if you’d like,” Mr. Erskine smiled. “I represent the Strategic Science Reserve. Perhaps, it is time for you to fully come aboard.”

~~~

Stella didn’t know what she was expecting for the headquarters of the Strategic Science Reserve, but it was not an antiques shop in Dumbo, blocks away from the building that Stella had been working at. Mr. Erskine showed her how to get in (Stella was pretty sure Mrs. Auster, the receptionist, had a gun under her desk, but Stella wasn’t going to ask), then gave her a tour of the facility.

Stella desperately wished she could tell Bucky about this place. It was like a science fiction movie and a comic book wrapped up in one.

“What will I be doing exactly?” Stella asked as Mr. Erskine pointed out a large room with equipment full of knobs and panels that looked like they belonged in a flying saucer.

“You’ll be my personal assistant,” Howard Stark said, turning around from one of the panels.

“Mr. Stark is joking,” Mr. Erskine said before Stella could sternly tell him no. Mr. Erskine cleaned his glasses, but Stella thought he might have been glaring at Stark. “No, Ms. Rogers. You will be helping me with my research. And occasionally, we still need you to redraw Mr. Stark’s diagrams.”

“And what is your research, Mr. Erskine?” Stella asked.

And Mister--no Doctor-Erskine--sat Stella down in his office (he had an office in SSR’s headquarters too), and slowly told her about Project Rebirth and Johann Schmidt.

~~~

Bucky never found out about the fifth time Stella almost died, and Stella would rather eat raw fish off the East River than ever tell Bucky about it.

Stella was visiting Camp Leigh in Jersey with Dr. Erskine to help him review the psychological profiles of the candidates that may receive Dr. Erskine’s formula.

She was watching the recruits line up for the first time as a group, when Agent Margaret Carter walked past them, dressed in a crisp officer’s uniform with bright red lipstick and sensible pumps.

Stella’s first thought had been that Agent Carter looked like a pinup-- then she immediately felt guilty for thinking it. Agent Carter walked like an officer. Like someone who was used to being listened to when she gave an order.

“Gentlemen, I’m Agent Carter, I supervise all operations of this division,” she said with a crisp British accent.

Stella stood up straighter, even though Agent Carter was hardly paying attention to her.

The recruits didn’t seem to have as good survival instincts as Stella (the Bucky in Stella’s mind scoffed, but Stella ignored her).

One of the recruits began to challenge Agent Carter’s authority immediately.

“What’s your name, soldier?”

“Gilmore Hodge, your Majesty.” The guy was smirking as he talked, looking to the other guys on the line for validation, and Stella felt a little sorry for him because she could see what was going to happen a mile away.

“Step forward, Hodge. Put your right foot forward.”

Hodge did as he was asked while still smiling. “Are we dancing? Cause I got a few moves I know you’ll like.”

That’s when Agent Carter punched him with a mean right hook, and Hodge went down like a ton of bricks.

Stella fought the urge to giggle and to shake Agent Carter’s hand. Although after a scene like that, Stella wasn’t sure how to introduce herself to Agent Carter outright (she still wasn’t sure why Dr. Erskine had given her the job). Instead, Stella hovered quietly around the edges of the recruits, taking notes on their behavior like Dr. Erskine requested, while looking for an opening to talk to Agent Carter.

She tried not to get caught watching Agent Carter too openly though because she was dressed in her usual men’s trousers. People at Camp Leigh had been assuming she was a young man and Stella didn’t bother correcting them.

Then, as Stella was leaning particularly close to the recruits to hear what they were saying to each other, it happened.

A pulled grenade was dropped in the middle of them.

“Grenade!” Someone yelled out from a distance, but Stella hardly heard them.

Time seemed to slow down and hold its breath, as Stella jumped on top of the grenade. She hadn’t wanted to die this way, but as she laid down on the ground waiting for the inevitable explosion, she was terribly glad that Bucky didn’t watch her die at the same time she wished she could see her one last time. She hoped someone would come up with a good enough lie to tell Bucky--

But the grenade didn’t explode. And in the long seconds that followed, Stella began to feel like an idiot.

“Is this a test?” she asked, looking around until she found Dr. Erskine. Dr. Erskine was standing near an Army Colonel.

Dr. Erskine had mentioned that the men would be judged on their character. This was most likely a test for the recruits, except Stella had ruined the results.

“Great, a camp full of soldiers, and it's your asthmatic assistant who has any guts,” the Colonel said gruffly to Dr. Erskine.

Dr. Erskine was smiling softly at Stella though and nodding his head.

Agent Carter offered Stella her hand to help Stella up.

“Peggy Carter.”

“Stella Rogers, Agent Carter.”

If Agent Carter was surprised to hear Stella’s given name, Stella saw no sign of it.

“Please call me, Peggy. Nice to meet you Stella.” Peggy smiled warmly.

~~~

The next time Stella visited Camp Leigh, Peggy made her tea and agreed to teach her how to shoot like Stella was one of the recruits rather than a typist.

Later, when Stella was drawing a picture of Leah’s growing tummy to mail to Bucky, Stella noticed the new calluses she had developed on her fingers from firing guns. Stella rubbed her thumb tentatively over the rougher skin on her fingers, and felt closer to Bucky than she had since Bucky left for training.

~~~

A week before Bucky was finally supposed to come home before getting shipped out overseas, Stella found Dr. Erskine drinking alone in the darkness at his desk. Stella was there to drop off the latest physical examinations on the serum candidates, and she almost did not see him. Stella’s hand had been on the light switch when she was startled by the sound of Dr. Erskine putting down his drink glass on his desk.

“Doc?” Stella called out, and withdrew her hand from the light switch.

“Ah, Ms. Rogers. Would you like to join me for some whiskey?” Dr. Erskine raised his glass toward Stella. “It is not particularly good whiskey, but it is getting the job done.”

Stella came further into the room and closed the door behind her and let her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness.

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Neither am I, so I won’t be wasting too much liquor,” Dr. Erskine said. His voice was slightly slurred, and his glasses were skewed on his face.

“What happened, Doctor? Did they shut down the project?” Stella walked closer and leaned on the chair opposite of Dr. Erskine.

“No, quite the opposite. They have chosen Mister Hodge as our subject. We are to perform the procedure in three weeks.”

“Hodge? He’s a bully!” The words were out of Stella’s mouth before she could stop them. But then, Dr. Erskine must have thought so too or he would not have been getting drunk alone in the dark.

“The serum magnifies everything. What is good, becomes greater, and what is bad becomes worse,” Dr. Erskine said, repeating something that he had told Stella in this same office several months before.

“There must be something we can do. It’s your life’s work, Doctor,” Stella said.

“It would appear that the U.S. Army care very little about my opinions.”

Dr. Erskine emptied his glass of whiskey into his mouth.

“They told me that patriotism was the most important in their selection criteria,” Dr. Erskine continued. “America first, they told me. I am very familiar with this sort of nationalism. I grew up with this sort of nationalism. My brother’s neighbors had been very patriotic when they turned him in with the S.S.”

“I’m sorry, Doctor. Maybe we can still find someone else. We can go over the candidates’ profiles again--”

Dr. Erskine smiled and looked steadily at Stella. “Maybe we can find someone who is brave and noble enough to jump on a grenade to save others.”

Stella felt herself blush at the memory of what had happened at Camp Leigh. “I’m sorry I messed up that test.”

“Do not apologize Ms. Rogers. It was a great show of character. I only wish that I could recommend you to be our candidate.”

“Couldn’t you?” Stella asked, the possibility suddenly before her. “If I volunteered?”

Dr. Erskine sat up straighter in his chair, and fixed his glasses. He held Stella’s gaze for a moment. “I could not ask that of you, Ms. Rogers. The serum is ready, but it still has not been tested and the risks are real.”

Stella almost laughed. “Doc, you caught me trying to illegally enlist in the U.S. Army so I could go overseas. I’m hardly risking any more than the boys laying down their lives in Europe and Asia. I have no right to risk anything less.”

Dr. Erskine pushed away the glass of whiskey away from him, and watched Stella for a long moment.

“Doc, give me a chance.” Stella moved forward toward him and looked at him steadily back-- knowing she was being measured and judged.

After a long time, Dr. Erskine said softly. “Perhaps we both need to take a chance.”

~~~

Even though Stella volunteered, she was surprised that when Dr. Erskine was sober, he was still willing to defy the U.S. Army by giving his serum to an asthmatic girl who weighed less than ninety pounds soaking wet.

“Someone worthy,” Dr. Erskine had said and it shocked Stella that Dr. Erskine had so much faith in her.

But Dr. Erskine did not think he could perform the procedure alone (and without detection from the U.S. Army), and he astonished Stella again by asking Howard Stark for help.

When Dr. Erskine and Stella explained to Stark what they were planning, Stark spat out the drink he was having and coughed for an entire minute. Stella thought maybe he inhaled an olive or something from his drink, and smacked him hard on his back to try to get it out.

“OW!” Stark spilled the rest of his drink trying to wiggle away from Stella. “You hit a lot harder than you look. You sure you need to be stronger?”

“Stark, are you going to help or not?” Stella moved closer to him.

“You going to hit me again if I say no?”

When Stella motioned to answer, Stark immediately held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, of course I’ll help. But you know, the Vita Ray machine is patented Stark technology, and afterward you’ll be property of Stark Industries.”

Stella struck Stark on the back again more deliberately.

“OW! Kidding, kidding!”

~~~

Bucky came home late on a Friday night. She snuck in the apartment past midnight, but Stella was awake and waiting for her.

“Hey, Stella.”

Bucky took off her hat, and opened her arms.

Stella let herself look for a moment at the unfamiliar way that Bucky was dressed, the short hair, the crisp lines of Bucky’s uniform, the shiny brass buttons, the ironed folds of Bucky’s pants-- before launching herself into Bucky’s arms.

“Miss me?” Bucky asked as her arms tightened around Stella.

“Oh, were you gone?” Stella asked wetly into Bucky’s chest.

Bucky laughed, but it turned to a yawn midway. “Sorry, long trip home.”

Stella dragged them into Stella’s bed still clinging on to each other, Bucky still in her uniform. They laid down face to face in each other’s arms like they used to when they were kids.

“When do you get your orders?”

“Already did. Sergeant James Barnes of the 107th. I’m reporting in first thing Sunday morning to get shipped out to England. The extra training ate into my furlough time.”

Stella couldn’t respond for a moment. She had thought she had more time-- the nearness of Bucky’s departure for a war zone crashed in, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Bucky grabbed on to Stella’s hand and stroked it gently.

“I’m spending tomorrow with my folks and the boys,” Bucky continued, her voice unsteady in the near darkness around them. “But tomorrow night it’s just you and me. Tomorrow night, we are going out.”

Stella nodded into the Bucky’s chest as she pulled herself closer, breathing in the scent of smoke and wool.

They fell asleep like that, in their clothes, sharing a thin layer of air between them.

~~~

On Saturday, Bucky left early for the waterworks that were waiting for her at her Ma’s apartment. Before she left, she asked Stella for a picture.

“Draw me a picture of you in a dress. The guys at basic all had photos or pictures of their girl. With a handsome mug like this, I wouldn’t want them to think I don’t have someone waiting for me at home.”

Stella blushed at the request. Her heart swelled at being thought of as Bucky’s girl, but her mouth said, “shouldn't you be carrying a picture of your wife, Leah, Sgt. James Barnes?”

“You’re a jerk.”

Then Bucky’s smile went a little crooked. “Make sure the picture of you is a little dirty.”

“You’re the worst!” Stella said as Bucky laughed and skipped out of their apartment.

But Stella spent the rest of daylight drawing Bucky a picture of herself like Bucky had asked. Stella eventually decided on drawing herself in three quarters profile in the act of unbuttoning the back of her dress. Something Bucky had seen thousand of times. It usually ended quickly because Bucky would go over to help Stella unbutton the rest of her dress before Stella pulled out all her buttons in frustration.

Stella wanted to get it just right though. She even went to Mrs. Thompson downstairs to borrow a bigger mirror to get a better look at herself.

By the time Bucky came back home around five, Stella was just finishing up the shadows of the ink drawing (Stella usually drew with pencils, but she figured it would smear in Bucky’s pocket.)

Stella held out the picture to show Bucky, expecting Bucky to comment but Bucky went quiet and still at the sight of it.

“Well, what do you think? Dirty enough?” Stella finally broke the silence.

“It’s perfect,” Bucky said.

Then she visibly shook herself. “Now go put on your yellow dress. We’re going out.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the future.”

~~~

The future turned out to be in Queens-- at the Stark Expo. Stella wished she had realized sooner that was where Bucky was taking them. Of course Bucky would want to go. Bucky always loved science and new gadgets. Stella couldn’t deny Bucky this (or anything--ever), but she hoped against hope she wouldn’t run into Stark.

But of course Bucky wanted to see Stark’s demonstration of the flying car. Bucky smiled crookedly at Stella and said, “so is this what you have been working on, Stella?”

It took Stella a long moment to remember that this was a game they used to play where Bucky would make up outrageous things for Stella’s job. It seemed like it was so long ago--when Stella didn’t know she was working for SSR, before she’d spent hours with Howard Stark napping at her feet like a giant puppy.

She realized too late that she had let the silence go on a beat too long.

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Then Stark somehow managed to see Stella and Bucky in the crowd at the demonstration, and wiggled his eyebrows dramatically at Stella.

“Really?” Bucky asked again, her voice rising higher.

“I can’t talk about it,” Stella said. “If I tell you, then I’ll have to kill you.”

Bucky laughed as she swung her arm easily around Stella’s shoulders. “Didn’t know I was dating a secret agent.”

Stella flushed at the thought of them dating, actually being together, rather than just being a soldier and his girl for show.

At that moment, the flying car crash landed on stage-- taking Stella out of her thoughts.

But Bucky’s delight in the flying car didn’t seem to diminish by its failed flight. Instead she kept on asking Stella questions about its specs.

“How does he get the thrust to lift it up? Is it rockets?”

“Why don’t you ask him? I think he’s coming over,” Stella said as the show ended and Stark pushed toward them in the crowd.

“Stella!” Stark sounded positively giddy. “Is this your sweetheart? Aren’t you going to introduce us? Is this why you have been able to resist my charms?”

“He’s kidding. He hasn’t tried anything--”

“I’m not worried,” Bucky said easily, then planted a light kiss on top of Stella’s hair. “Not even a millionaire has a chance with my girl. I know how to pick ‘em.”

Then Bucky held out his hand to Stark while Stella felt her blush travel all the way down her body.

“Bucky Barnes, sir. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Oh, I like him!” Stark said. “Is he going to be there when we--”

“He’s shipping out tomorrow for England,” Stella said quickly before Stark could say anything more. Stella didn’t think Stark would willingly compromise their plans about Dr. Erskine’s serum, but she wasn’t sure if Stark thought Bucky already knew. Stella wasn’t sure what Bucky would do if she found out what Stella volunteered for, but Bucky tying her up and leaving her with Mrs. Barnes wasn’t out of the question.

“Oh,” Stark’s eyes went soft. “Oh, I see. Well, good on you, soldier, serving your country.” Then Stark dramatically smacked his forehead. “Listen to me, droning on! You kids probably have plans and the night is still young! Go forth, be merry! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Bucky smiled and didn’t reply except to tip her hat to Stark in farewell as she pulled Stella away.

“I know I owe you an explanation for that, but I don’t know if--” Stella started when they were out of Stark’s earshot, but Bucky stopped her.

“Nah. I’m gonna assume you’re doing something super secret with Stark for the war effort.”

Stella sagged in relief.

“Knowing you, I also know you’re gonna want to do something reckless and dangerous while you’re at it,” Bucky continued. “But short of tying you up and leaving you at my Ma’s until I get back, I can’t stop you.”

Stella choked on air.

Bucky ran her hand reassuringly down Stella’s back. “Can’t you just promise me not do anything stupid until I get back?”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky laughed. “Come on, you punk. Like Stark said, the night is young. We’re going dancing.”

~~~

Stella had thought they were going to go one of the dance halls in Queens, but Bucky dragged them to a dance hall in Harlem that they had never gone to before. The dance hall was smoky and dark. There was a woman singing in a beautiful deep register, but the songs were much slower than anything Stella was used to dancing to. There were a couple of other guys in uniform dancing in the hall, and Stella wondered if that’s how Bucky found out about this place.

Stella let Bucky lead them in the dances, but it felt more like they were just hugging each other and moving together slowly than their usual dancing. Stella didn’t mind it. Wrapped in Bucky’s arms as Bucky navigated them on the dance floor, Stella felt oddly cocooned from the world. She leaned further into Bucky, and let herself forget about what would be happening tomorrow, about the war, and just linger in the moment.

A Cole Porter song came on, and Bucky began to sing softly into Stella’s ear, her breath caressing Stella’s face-- slowly drowning Stella in want.

When it was finally time to go home, Bucky kept her arms around Stella on the subway like it was the most natural thing in the world. They didn’t say anything to each other, like they were both under a spell from the music somehow.

Bucky didn’t let go of Stella even when they reached their apartment. She kept a lingering hand on Stella as they both undressed--somehow managing to unwrap the bandages around her chest one handed and letting her breast fall back to their natural shape at last. Stella knew she was staring, but she couldn’t help herself. She had missed seeing the curve of Bucky’s breasts, breaking up the straight planes of her perfect shoulders and narrow waist.

Bucky watched Stella quietly, allowing Stella to drink in the sight of her. Then Bucky pulled them both into her bed in just their underclothes. Bucky’s warm smooth skin grazing over Stella’s body as they settled in.

Bucky wrapped her body around Stella’s backside and pressed her chest tightly into her.

Every breath Bucky took, Stella could feel the soft swells of Bucky’s breasts contracting against her until she was dizzy with longing. Stella counted the breaths, never wanting the morning to come.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but when she opened her eyes, it was dawn, and Bucky was already dressed in her uniform again, watching Stella sleeping.

“My folks are going to meet me at the station,” Bucky said in lieu of good morning. “You coming?”

Stella shook her head. She had thought about this moment. She wasn’t sure if she could stand the sight of Bucky actually leaving New York-- wasn’t sure if she could hide the way she felt from Bucky’s folks.

“I figured,” Bucky looked away for a moment. “So I guess this is goodbye until we win the war.”

Stella got up from bed and wrapped herself around Bucky. Felt the rough wool and metal of Bucky’s uniform press into her still bare flesh. Bucky hugged her back tightly.

Stella wasn’t sure how long they stood there, wrapped around each other, but eventually the sounds outside of the apartment started to get louder as the day began in Brooklyn, and they untangled themselves.

“Be safe,” Stella said as Bucky started to leave. She couldn’t quite get herself to say goodbye.

Bucky nodded. She patted her breast pocket, where she had put away the picture that Stella had drawn of herself. “I got my girl to come back do, don’t I?”

Stella smiled despite herself.

“Don’t win the war until I get there.”

“I make no promises.”

~~~

Stella knew Bucky would have classified the sixth time that Stella almost died as doing something stupid, and Stella couldn’t quite disagree.

Stella almost regretted her decision when she was awashed in a flood of light.

Vita rays, Stark had called it, but all Stella could feel was the white hot burn inside and outside her body-- like the very molecule of her being was being blasted apart and remade.

Distantly, above the water of pain she was drowning in, she had heard herself screaming, and Dr. Erskine telling Stark to kill the reactor.

She found herself yelling back, _no, I can do this._

And then suddenly, she was floating above the pain, riding it like a wave in the ocean. Then it was over, seconds-- an eternity later--

Above her, the hatch of Vita Ray machine lifted, and Stella opened her eyes.

The world looked oddly-shaped for a moment-- until her eyes caught Peggy. The bright red of her lipstick, the perfect curl of her hair--

Almost instinctively, Stella stepped out of the machine towards her and fell.

Peggy caught her immediately before she landed on the floor.

“What the hell is going on here?” Peggy demanded.

Stark opened his mouth, but then shut it again without speaking.

“Ms. Rogers is a better candidate for this,” Dr. Erskine said steadily. “This is the right thing to do.”

“Abraham, this was incredibly stupid and dangerous,” Peggy said.

“Are you going to tell on us?” Stark asked. “I’m asking for a friend because--”

“Of course not,” Peggy said, then she helped Stella to her feet, making eye contact, and possibly checking on Stella’s pupils. “How do you feel?”

Looking down at Peggy, Stella said without thinking, “taller.”

Peggy smiled. “We will have discussion later about chain of command and not doing stupidly dangerous things.”

Stella laughed, and found her lungs contracting and expanding without effort-- for the first time--

It worked-- Stella’s eyes caught Dr. Erskine’s kind gaze.

“I’ve never felt better,” Stella said.

Then she noticed that Stark was staring unblinkingly at her chest (like she’s never seen him do before) so she followed his gaze and laughed again. Her white shirt had been stretched to its utmost capacity because the width of her chest had grown like the rest of her, but not the size of her breasts. If anything, the broadness of her torso now made her look even more masculine.

“Stark!” Stella snapped, and that seemed to have drawn Stark out of his daze. Almost at that exact same moment, several monitors around him exploded, and all the power in the room appeared to shut down.

“Right then, I’ll be fixing that before anyone notices… I’ll get my tool kit,” Stark said, and quickly retreated from the room.

Stella felt almost fondly toward him as she watched him leave.

Then she turned her attention to everything inside her head, the things she loved and despised-- and found her feelings toward them unchanged. She was still covetous of beautiful leather bound sketchbooks, her hate of the Red Sox did not grow or diminish, and her feelings for Bucky-- well, they were her feelings for Bucky, and they were as intense as ever.

“I don’t think the serum made the good or the bad in me any better or worse,” Stella said after she turned over her mind a couple more times.

Dr. Erskine smiled as he cleaned his glasses. “Good thing I have the utmost trust in the content of your character, Ms. Rogers.”

~~~

It turned out, Stella could now lift more than 500 pounds and run faster than a horse, but she couldn’t go home.

Before Stella went inside the Vita-Ray machine, she had told all the Barnes’ that she was going on a long work trip to help sell some war bonds so they wouldn’t worry about her if she never walked out of the machine (at least, not immediately). She didn’t think about what would happen if the formula worked and she was suddenly a foot taller.

But Peggy Carter had a plan, and Stella had the nagging suspicion this was not going to be the last time that Peggy Carter would save her.

“We have an asset that we need to get out of France,” Peggy said. “I was going to wait until after the official procedure next week, but it appears that we know it works so I might as well go now. Do you care to join me?”

There was only one answer to that question. 

~~~

Even though Stella was sure that Peggy didn’t approve of Dr. Erskine and Stark giving her the super soldier formula, Peggy began training Stella immediately on how to be an SSR operative.

Peggy got them tickets on a civilian ship to cross the Atlantic as three people.

Mrs. Stella Richards was travelling with her brother and sister-in-law Peggy and Steve Rogers to England.

Peggy actually found several dresses big enough for Stella’s new body, and she got Stella a long brown wig to wear for when she was supposed to be a Missus. But Peggy warned her that at her height, Stella was very memorable as a girl. A fact Stella fully appreciated after the first day on the ship when three separate people called out after her in some variation of -- “Wowa, you’re a big lady!”

People paid her less attention when Stella was dressed as Peggy’s husband, but Peggy was merciless in drilling Stella on all the things that Stella was doing that could give away that Stella was a girl-- from the way she leaned on things, to the way she carried her weight when she walked.

Walking with a new center of gravity was a challenge in and of itself. Stella found herself tripping over her own feet sometimes, and bumping into walls with the new breadth of her shoulders.

Though, learning to strut like a fella did make Stella appreciate the easy way that Bucky changed herself when she was in uniform. Stella had noticed the way had Bucky stood and held herself as a soldier was different than her normal body language. She just hadn’t grasped how much effort went into maintaining the differences at all times. But then Bucky was used to acting differently around Stella and her brothers than the rest of the world, slipping into her different personas like changing clothes.

Stella wasn’t used to trying to act like anyone except for herself.

But as Peggy made her switch from Stella to Steve to Stella to Steve again, by day five on the ship, Stella was almost convinced that she was two people.

“I think I’m getting the hang of this,” Steve Rogers told his wife earnestly while they took a stroll on the ship’s deck, two days before they were to reach London. Stella held Peggy’s arm just so, and an older couple they passed by gave them an indulgent look.

“You are, darling,” Peggy said with a fond smile. “You’re practically ready for the stage.”

“Mr. Rogers and Mrs. Rogers?” One of the ship’s staff called out. “You have a message.”

The message was from Howard Stark--

Dr. Erskine had passed away.

~~~

Stella stared at the hole she had made in the cement wall at Dr. Erskine’s old office at SSR headquarters in London. Peggy gently cleaned her bloody knuckles, but Stella could barely feel the pain.

Sitting on top of Dr. Erskine’s old desk were a pair of his glasses that he had left behind.

Peggy had taken Stella to the office to tell her in private how Dr. Erskine died.

“Hodge went after the Hydra agent, but he couldn’t catch him.”

“Dr. Erskine deserved better than this,” Stella said. She barely heard her own voice.

“The serum worked on Hodge too, but I’m glad--” Peggy’s voice broke for a moment, then she looked Stella steadily in the eyes and continued. “I’m glad it worked on you first. Dr. Erskine chose you.”

Stella met Peggy’s gaze. “Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Stella went on a mission was in Genoa.

“Does this mean I passed?” Stella asked as she and Peggy dragged the unconscious bodies of two S.S. officers out of the mayor’s office.  Stella had the artifact that had been smuggled out of Rome secured in her pocket.  

“You pass after we get back out alive,” Peggy said as they stuffed the men into a tiny closet that seemed to have no purpose except to stash unconscious men into.  

 Stella knocked out three more Nazis while Peggy took out two Gestapo before they were free and clear.  

~~~

Stella went to a small church at the edge of Genoa to drop off the artifact to one of Peggy’s contacts.  While she waited, Stella doodled the stain glass rose window of the church to mail to Bucky.  

Stella had written to all the Barnes’ to send their letters to her care of Stark Industries.  By some miracle that was half Howard Stark and half Peggy, Stella managed to get all the letters from them no matter where she was in Europe.  And Stella’s letters made its way to the Barnes’ without fail, postmarked from Stark Industries office locations.  

Stella’s letters to Bucky mostly consisted of pictures that she drew so she didn’t have to lie to Bucky about what she was doing.

Bucky wrote back about the weather (always too cold and too wet).  She wrote about funny anecdotes of her fellow soldiers--about a cooking accident over a fire that took out a private’s eyebrows, or how her entire unit stole the bowler hat of one of the guys and hid it for three days.  

Once, Bucky wrote an entire letter describing how her rifle worked.  The way Bucky wrote it, Stella was almost jealous of Bucky’s gun.  

Sometimes, Bucky would ask Stella to draw her specific pictures.  Stella’s hands.  A picture of Bucky’s Ma and Pa.  Once, Bucky asked for a picture of Mrs. Barnes’ teacakes.  

~~~

In Paris, Stella drew Bucky a picture of Peggy wearing a beautiful green dress.  Stella had imagined Bucky in that dress.  Her fingers itched to draw Bucky in it, but she couldn’t risk the men in Bucky’s unit seeing her that way.  

Outside of a bunker near Berlin where Stella and Peggy were stuck for three days while they waited for their target to show up, Stella drew a picture of Peggy standing by their tiny window, keeping watch.   

In Bucky’s next letter, she asked about Peggy.   _Who is the girl in the green dress?  Should I be worried I’m being replaced?_

Stella wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry that Bucky might be jealous of Peggy.  Stella liked and respected Peggy-- and maybe even loved her-- but Bucky--  

The difference of what she felt for Peggy to what she felt for Bucky was the difference between feeling a cool breeze on a hot day and breathing air at all--one an enjoyable and unexpected pleasure, the other essential for life.

Stella wasn’t sure how to explain it to Bucky, so she did the only thing she could think of.  She drew Bucky a picture.  She drew a picture of Bucky dressed in her dress uniform with all the details she had memorized, from the tiny cleft of Bucky’s chin, to Bucky’s eye lashes.  She drew herself (her smaller self) dancing with Bucky in her yellow dress.  Bucky’s hands on her waist as they swayed to the unseen music.  

She tried to pour everything she felt about Bucky into the picture and she wasn’t sure if she succeeded or not.

Bucky didn’t ask about Peggy again after that.   

~~~

Stella first found out about Captain America when she was carrying papers identifying her as André Bozonnet.  

Stella and Peggy were retrieving the schematics to a Hydra research facility near Paris, which involved meeting with the French Resistance at a rendezvous point that looked like it used be a country inn.

After the initial greetings and introductions, Julien, one of the younger members of the cell, tossed a film reel to Stella.  “I hope you brought better entertainment this time.  We get enough propaganda from the Germans, the last thing we need is more of the same from the Americans.”

“Julien, be polite to our guests!”  Paola scolded, as she opened one of the bags of supplies that Stella had carried in for them.  “Besides, I quite like Captain America’s costume, it brings out his shoulders.”

“He’s much too young for you, Paola!”

“Captain America?” Stella repeated.  

“Have you not heard?  Supposedly the Americans have a super solider.  Goes by the name, Captain America,” Julien scowled.  “Come on, I’ll show you to your room for the night.  Then perhaps we watch that terrible Captain America movie together.”

Julien led them to a room with a single bed.  They assumed Stella and Peggy were lovers, just as they assumed Stella was a guy.  When Peggy didn’t correct them, Stella followed her lead.  

At dusk, after a good meal of bread and salted beef that Stella brought in along with other provisions, Julien fired up a well kept film projector in what used to be the entertainment room of the inn, and Stella watched Gilmore Hodge storm a film set wearing the distant cousin of the American flag.

Later that night, while Peggy and Stella laid in bed in near complete darkness, Stella asked if Peggy knew about Captain America.  
  
“I had heard.  Howard mentioned that there was an American Senator who wanted Hodge to sell war bonds and promote the war effort.”

There was something off about Peggy’s voice.

“Peggy?”

“Did Dr. Erskine ever tell you how we met?” Peggy sounded distant.

“No.  He never--”

“He was in a dungeon.  Schmidt had him in a straitjacket and locked in the dungeon when I found him… but he wasn’t ready to come with me.  I think he was tired. Tired of being used by the Nazis, by Hydra, by Schmidt.  He didn’t want to be used by the Allied forces in the same way.  I--, I promised him it would be different.”

“Peggy, what happened wasn’t your fault.”  

Peggy shook her head and continued, “I was terribly mad at him when he gave you the formula.  We had worked so long and so hard to get to where we were, I thought it was reckless to jeopardize all of that because Hodge wasn’t as brave or as noble as you.  But I was wrong.”

Stella felt more than saw Peggy turning toward her.

“Abraham deserved someone like you.  He deserved his choice.  He never made the formula just to win the war or to please some jingoistic American Senator.”

“Peggy--”  Stella didn’t know what to say.  Then Peggy reached out and captured Stella’s hand and squeezed.  Stella squeezed back.  “Thank you.”

They laid there together in silence for a moment, then Peggy suddenly giggled.  

“I bet you would look much better in that costume than Hodge.”

“Peggy!” 

~~~

In late November, Stella received the birth announcement of Jane Buchanan Barnes, and Stella felt a pang of homesickness for the first time since she left Brooklyn.  The empty apartment she left behind wasn’t home without Bucky, but Stella did miss Jamie and Leah and the rest of the Barnes’.  

Stella knew both Stark and Peggy thought Bucky was Stella’s sweetheart, especially since Bucky’s family wrote letters to Stella too.  Stella didn’t tell them otherwise.  Bucky’s secret was not Stella’s to share.  Stella was just so grateful that she got Bucky’s letters, even when they were more than a few weeks late.

When Bucky wrote about missing the taste of chicken when she was chewing on gamey mystery bird meat, Stella drew Bucky a picture of a strange looking waterfowl she saw in a fountain in Pisa.  She immediately regretted it when she sent out the letter because she wasn’t sure if it was a duck thing that could only be found in a specific region of Italy and she had given away the location of their latest mission.  

She guiltily confessed her indiscretion to Peggy who only laughed at her.  

“You told me your friend was an excellent mechanic, is he also an excellent ornithologist?”

“Bucky could be an excellent ornithologist,” Stella lied.  But she knew Peggy was right to laugh at her.  Even though there were plenty of birds to look at if you were interested in that sort of thing in Brooklyn, most of Bucky and Stella’s interactions with birds involved over-cooked chicken, and the occasional pigeon that tried to poop on them.

Just to be safe, in Stella’s next letter, she drew Bucky a cartoon of Captain America as a monkey instead of anything based in real life.  

Bucky wrote back that Captain America was supposed to come to entertain the troops soon, and now she won’t be able to see him without thinking about that picture.  

~~~

Stella hadn’t really thought about what would happen if she crossed paths with Captain America, but when Peggy received intelligence that Hydra planned to capture Captain America on his tour of the troops in Europe, Stella knew it was inevitable that she would come face to face with Dr. Erskine’s other super soldier.  

The information about Hydra was not specific, so Peggy and Stella split up for the mission.  Stella was going to catch up to Hodge’s convoy while Peggy went to meet with her operative to attempt to get more details on the plot.  They planned to rendezvous at an Allied Camp near Pordenone.  

“You don’t think he’ll recognize me, do you?” Stella had asked Peggy before she took off for Italy in the back of a cargo plane.  Stella had been around Camp Leigh plenty of times in her old body, but Hodge never talked to her or acknowledged her.  Not even after Stella jumped on a dummy grenade.

But it turned out to be a moot point.  

Hodge had decided to drive himself ahead of the convoy.  By the time Stella caught up to him on a borrowed motorcycle it was too late--

It took Stella almost an hour, but she found what was left of Captain America in the center of a blast radius of a grenade.  She could just make out burnt pieces of Hodge's costume scattered across the debris.

From what was left in the field, Stella gathered that Hodge had taken out as many Hydra soldiers as he could.  When it became clear there were too many of them, Hodge had set off the grenade himself to prevent his capture and to prevent Hydra from experimenting with his body.  

Whatever else Hodge might have been, he was a good soldier, and he followed orders.  

Stella took off her hat and saluted.

Then she spent three hours meticulously picking up and gathering all the debris of the fight into a giant pyre and set it on fire.  Hodge had sacrificed himself so that Hydra could not use any part of him to recreate the serum, and Stella made sure that mission was accomplished.  She didn’t know Hodge very well, but she hoped he would appreciate the Viking burial.   

She watched the pyre until it was almost dawn the next day for the fire to burn itself out, to make sure everything was scorched beyond salvage and recognition.  Then, she put her hat back on and rode away without looking back.  

~~~

Peggy was waiting for her at camp.  

“Hodge was ambushed.  He set off a grenade so he couldn’t be captured or used by Hydra,” Stella told Peggy.  She knew that was the most important unasked question.  “I burned everything.”

Peggy nodded, her eyes solemn.  “There is another Hydra penetration somewhere in this operation.  Hodge wasn’t even traveling with the rest of his act.  The caravans carrying the other fifty performers arrived at camp safely last night with no incident.”

Stella let out a long breath.  Another infiltration-- like the one that had hidden in the State Department and killed Dr. Erskine.  Hydra appeared to have its tentacles everywhere.

“Stella--” Peggy’s voice was soft, and Stella felt herself pale.  

Distantly, she heard one of the soldiers at camp speaking in a distinct Queens accent.  

“Which combat unit are we embedded with right now?”

“I’m sorry, Stella.  One of the units here is what’s left of the 107th,” Peggy said slowly.  “Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano.  Two hundred men went up against him, and less than fifty returned.  The rest were killed or captured.”

“Bucky?” Stella already knew the answer.  Peggy had been the one getting Stella’s letters to Bucky.  Of course Peggy already checked the survivors’ list for “James Barnes.”

“He’s listed as missing in action.  Colonel Phillips signed a condolence letter to his parents this morning.”

Stella’s vision tunneled, and she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs.  

She felt Peggy’s warm hand on her shoulder, but the rest of her felt cold.

“Is there a rescue mission planned for the captured men?”  Stella heard herself asking.  

“They’re being held thirty miles behind enemy lines through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe.  The powers that be has determined that we’d lose more men than we’d save if we tried anything.”

“Peggy, I--”  Stella started and stopped.  She had no plan.  She needed a plan if she was going to get Peggy to help her.  And there was no part of Stella that wasn’t going to try to save Bucky if there was even a remote chance she was still alive.  

Stella swallowed as a stupid idea occurred to her.  “I have a plan,” Stella said.  

Peggy listened to Stella’s plan quietly, and pursed her lips.  When Stella was done, she fully expected Peggy to tell her what a stupid plan it was.  

Instead, Peggy said, “you will need a pilot.”

To Stella’s delight and dismay, it turned out Stark was also at camp.  And as soon as he heard what Stella planned to do, he volunteered.   

~~~

Stella had stopped counting the times that she almost died once she was on the European continent, but she really hoped she would not die parachuting out of a plane being piloted by Howard Stark, while she was dressed in the Captain America’s costume.  

The ridiculous face cowl was the worst part of the outfit, but it was on her face tightly enough that it was not affecting her peripheral vision.  The entire ensemble was made from some sort of stretchy material that managed to be both snug and flexible.  If the costume didn’t make her look like she had escaped from a bad vaunderville act, Stella would almost be fond of how it allowed her to move.  

~~~

Getting into the Hydra facility was easier than some of the other missions that Stella had been on, but it was the first time Stella used all of her strength.  One of the first things that Peggy had taught her was how to control her raw power.  But Stella didn’t feel any compulsion to hold back on these Nazis.  

It took her less than ten minutes to find where the prisoners were kept.  Tired, underfed men and women were trapped in multiple circular cages.  

One of the prisoners, an American based on his uniform, saw her almost immediately, but didn’t say anything until Stella knocked out the last guard patrolling the cages.  “Who are you supposed to be?”

“I’m Captain America.”

“I beg your pardon?”  A female prisoner asked in accented English as she looked at Stella in confusion.  

Stella didn't even try to explain herself as she opened the cages, and handed out keys she had gotten off the guards.  

“Is there anyone else?  I’m looking for a Sergeant James Barnes,” Stella asked as she looked around the prisoners.  

The soldier who had first spotted Stella spoke up softly, “They took he-him-- There is an isolation ward at the back of the factory, but no one has ever come back.”

Stella’s heart sunk, but she didn’t come this far to give up.  She handed the weapons she had collected from the Hydra guards to the prisoners in front of her.  “All right.  The treeline is 80 feet northwest past the gate.  Get out fast and give them hell.  I’ll meet you guys in the clearing with anyone else I find.”

“Wait, you know what you’re doing?” Someone asked.

“I just freed you and took out sixteen Hydra guards without detection.  This is clearly the first time I’ve ever done this.”

Then, Stella ran to find Bucky.  

 ~~~

Before Stella saw Bucky, she heard her voice muttering in Russian, over and over again.  

“Меня зовут Yana Yakova. Отпусти меня.”

Stella only understood two words of what Bucky said.

When they were fourteen years old,  Bucky had spent almost an entire year obsessed with Russian literature.  Bucky even taught herself how to read Russian (she already spoke it) so she could read Tolstoy in its original language, and she created a whole Russian persona for herself-- Yana Yakova.  

Stella tried to tamper down the glimmer of hope bubbling inside of her as she followed the sound of Bucky’s voice, until she found her strapped to an operating table and looking thin and frail.  Bucky’s eyes were lost and unfocused on the ceiling.

“Bucky!”

Bucky didn’t immediately look at Stella, and Stella pulled off her cowl.  

Bucky’s eyes still looked far away as Stella started to rip the buckles off of her.  

“Is that--” Bucky started and stopped.  Then with deliberate effort, her eyes focused on Stella.  

Stella moved so Bucky could see her face clearly.  “It’s me!”

“Stella?”  As Bucky said her name, the light seemed to come back to her eyes.   Then she smiled at Stella, and Stella thought her heart would stop because Bucky was alive.  

But they were still in Hydra’s factory, and they needed to get out as soon as possible.  As gently as she could, Stella helped Bucky off the operating table.

“I thought you were dead,” Stella said, trying to keep the tears out of her voice.  

Bucky looked at Stella in confusion as she finally noticed the change in Stella’s physique.

“I thought you were smaller… What happened?”

“It’s a long story,” Stella said as she helped Bucky move.  

Stella would have happily carried Bucky out of the factory, but It seemed like with every step they took, Bucky was getting stronger.  It was a good thing as Stella could hear the sound of explosions coming closer and closer to them.  

They were climbing their way up the factory when she saw him.  Johann Schmidt.   Stella could almost hear Dr. Erskine’s soft spoken voice explaining what Schmidt had done to him and his family--

“Captain America!  How exciting!  I see reports of your death were greatly exaggerated.  You are more handsome than your films suggest.  So Dr. Erskine managed it after all--”

Schmidt kept talking, but Stella didn’t care about what he was saying.  She stalked toward him and punched him as hard as she could in the middle of his monologue.  Schmidt tumbled back with a pained yelp.  It took a moment for Schmidt fight back as Stella continued to go after him, but he was no match for her--not after months of training with Peggy.  Schmidt clearly only relied on his brute strength. 

Stella ducked Schmidt’s fist easily and kicked him hard enough to send him flying back onto a railing that dented with the force of the impact.  Before Stella could close the distance between them,  a small bald man pulled a lever that separated a ramp between them.  

Stella stepped back to leap across, but Bucky’s arms were suddenly on her, holding her back.  

“Come on, Stella, we gotta go before this place blows.”

Stella glared at Schmidt, then realized that the force of her blows had shifted something on Schmidt’s face.  Schmidt seemed to realize it as well, as he felt his face, then he laughed and ripped off the mask he was wearing to reveal a sunken red skeleton.  Schmidt made a motion like he was going to start talking again, but then he seemed to think better of it, and ran.  

“Let’s go,” Stella told Bucky, as she led her to one of the many exits she had scouted out on her way in (like Peggy taught her.)

Bucky followed with more speed than Stella would have thought possible.  But in minutes they were out and the factory exploded behind them.

~~~

Stella pulled Bucky into a tight hug the second they had some cover in the woods.  She knew she was probably clutching Bucky too hard, but she couldn’t make herself let go.

“Hey, I’m okay.  I’m okay.” Bucky kept on saying, but Stella felt herself shaking as she held Bucky in her arms.  Bucky felt so much frailer than Stella now.  

“I thought you were gone,” Stella whispered.  

“I’m here,” Bucky said into Stella’s shoulders.  Then Stella felt Bucky shake, and it took her a second to realize it was in laughter.  “God, Stella, I can’t begin to imagine what kind of stupid it took to make you grow a foot taller.”

“I didn’t do anything stupider than joining the army and getting myself captured.”

“I wouldn’t bet money on it.  You better start composing what you gotta say to me, because as soon as we get some distance between us and this hellhole, you’re telling me what happened.”

Stella nodded against Bucky’s hair, but it took her several more moments before she was willing to let go.  

They ran to meet up with the rest of the freed prisoners.

Just as they were approaching the clearing, Stella asked-- “Do they know that you are a--”

“Yeah, they all know now.  We were kept in cages, weren’t exactly places where I could hide to pee.  I wasn’t the only girl there though.  They got some French resistance fighters, and a British lady.  What about you?”

“I’m wearing the Captain America outfit--” Stella started.

“Sarge!” The soldier that had told Stella about the isolation ward called out, ever the good lookout.  He rushed over and pulled Bucky into a bear hug.  “We thought you were a goner.”

“I’m like a bad penny.” Bucky laughed, and Stella felt like the world had righted itself again.

 ~~~

Stella navigated the ragtag group in the darkness through the woods, and kept them going until dusk the next day, trying to get as much distance between them and the destroyed Hydra factory as she could.  Fortunately, some of Bucky’s men had liberated several Hydra vehicles, and the guys who were in bad shape didn’t have to walk the whole way. 

At dusk, they set up a makeshift camp to sleep for a few hours before trying to make it to Allied territory the next day. 

The second Bucky’s men looked like they were settled in for the night, Bucky pulled Stella deeper into the trees.  

“Okay, Stella, tell me what happened.”  

As they stood in the descending darkness, after thinking that she had lost Bucky forever, Stella found herself telling Bucky everything--about Project Rebirth, SSR, and Dr. Erskine, about Howard Stark and Peggy, about Hodge and Captain America.  Words poured out of Stella like she was confessing.

Bucky let her talk and talk and talk and didn’t once interrupt.   When Stella had finally ran out of words, Bucky pulled her in and hugged her fiercely.   

“You stupid idiot,” Bucky said without heat, pressing her entire being into Stella, who was now an inch or two taller than Bucky.  “I can’t count how many times you almost died there, kid.”  

“You’re the one who got captured.”

“Yeah well,” Bucky said, lowering her head into Stella’s chest, “Guess there is enough stupid to go around.”  

Neither of them were willing to let go, so for a long time they just stood there, breathing together in the darkness.  

“Why were you speaking Russian when I found you?” Stella finally asked.

“They were trying to break me.  I didn’t want them to know who I really was,” Bucky said as she pulled away.   “When we first got there, there was a Russian girl who was in the cage next to us.  She was like that sniper lady we saw speaking in New York.  She had fifty confirmed kills against Hydra before they got her.  Her name was Vera.  She never came back from the isolation ward.”  

“What were they doing in the isolation ward?” Stella asked, but Bucky turned away from her. 

“You seen any of the camps for Jewish and queer people on your missions past the lines?” Bucky asked.  

Stella felt her stomach turn.  She hadn’t, but she’d seen the reports.

“Yeah, something like that,” Bucky said when Stella didn’t respond.  

“Bucky, I’m sorry, I--”

“Hey, you rescued me.”  Bucky turned back to Stella, slowly, telegraphing her move, she reached her hand to the back of Stella’s neck and pulled them close again.  The warmth of Bucky’s hand spreading quickly throughout Stella’s body.

“I missed you, so much,” Stella said.  

“I missed you too.”  Bucky pressed their foreheads together.   Stella wasn’t sure how much time had passed like this, but the night settled around them.  

Eventually, Bucky let go of Stella’s neck, and punched her hard on the shoulder.  “By the way, don’t think for a second you’re off the hook for the all stunts you pulled, Stella.”

Stella laughed.  Despite her new lungs, it was the first time she felt like she could really breathe again since Bucky left for Basic training.  And as they stood together, miles behind the enemy line in an unfamiliar Austrian sky, Stella felt lighter than she had in a long time.   

~~~

It took them almost a full day to cross back into Allied territory, two more days to walk back to camp.  But by the time they got there, Peggy was standing in the woods waiting for her.  (Stella was certain Peggy was half magic.)  

“You’re late,” Peggy said, as if she never had any doubts that Stella would make it back.  Stella smiled.  

Later, Colonel Phillips took one look at Stella, her broad shoulders and muscles clearly visible under the stretchy costume, and decided a fake Captain America was the way to go.  “Son, you just got yourself promoted to Captain.  But if you ignore the chain of command again, I will eat you for breakfast, and you’re way too big to hide under Agent Carter’s skirt.  ”

“Yes, sir.”

“What’s your name, soldier?” Colonel Phillips asked.

Without thinking, Stella answered, “Steve Rogers, sir.”

~~~

Stella was contemplating telling Colonel Phillips she was girl as she provided him with all the intelligence that she had gathered from being inside the Hydra factory when he said, “I’m going to need you to lead a group of men to take out these bases you’ve seen.  You up to the challenge?”

“Yes, sir,” Stella answered.  

“I’ll put together a team,” Colonel Phillips said.

“With all due respect, sir, I’d like to do that myself,” Stella said, as another stupid idea hit her in the face.  

~~~

“The people that were prisoners with you-- can you make me a list?  The ones that you think may be willing to go back to the fighting?  I have an idea,” Stella asked Bucky.

“I know you do, pal,” Bucky said.  “I’ve followed those crazy eyes into alley fights too many times.”

“Oh.”  Stella lowered her eyes to the ground, and started to compose a speech in her head that details all the reasons why she had to--  

“I already got you a list.”

“Oh,” Stella looked up and found Bucky looking at her with a crooked smile on her face, and a piece of paper held out in front of her.  

Stella took the paper, covered in Bucky’s small precise handwriting, and read.    

_Timothy “Dum Dum” Dugan, experienced soldier, strongman. Resourceful when shit happens.  Also, a good cook.  (I know you like to be able to actually chew your food.)_

_Gabe Jones, fluent in French and German (and Art History, but I don’t think we’re going to be using it that much).  Excellent radio operator, knows all the codes._

_Jim Morita, doctor. (Actually cow doctor, but he’s a faster learner).  He can also tell you what parts of an animal not to eat._

_Jackie Falsworth, pilot.  If it has wings, she can fly it.  She’s old and salty, but also, a veteran (won’t tell me which war).  Nazis shot three holes in her plane and she still landed it in one piece before they caught her._

_Jacqueline Dernier, French Resistance.  Demolition expert.  Nerves of steel and ice.  Don’t ever ask her to cook, she will cut off something important that you will miss.  (She told me this when she thought I had another set of equipment, but you get my point.)_

_Me, sniper, can drop anything in a half mile radius if I can see it.  (Also, used to putting up with you.)_

~~~

Stella followed Bucky’s recommendation and took her squad to a bar.  Stella bought them a round of drinks first before she asked them--asked them to join her, to go back into the war. 

She was met with a stony silence.  Stella felt her face color, and she opened her mouth to explain herself, but Dernier stopped her with an icy look.

“Are the blonde ones from your country all this big and dumb?” Dernier asked Gabe in French.  Stella made a mental note to never tell her that she spoke French (because Peggy would have never let her set foot in France without being conversationally fluent).

“I think the good Captain is Sgt. Barnes’ sweetheart,” Gabe replied in French.

Dernier turned to look at Stella again and Stella felt herself being judged and found wanting.   

“I think Bucky only likes him because she can wrap her legs around that tiny waist,” Dernier said after a moment.  

Stella fought hard not to choke on her own spit and pretend she didn’t know what Dernier just said, at the same time Gabe spilt his drink all over the table.  

“Come on, tell us what the Frenchie is saying!” Dugan exclaimed.

“It doesn’t translate,” Gabe said while looking mournfully at his drink.  Then he said in French, “Sarge doesn’t seem like the type of girl that has her head turned easily.”

“You’re right,” Dernier said in English finally.  “I’m in.”

“I’m in,” Gabe said.

Jim nodded his agreement to join as he steadily held Stella’s eyes.  

“You speak French don’t you?” Falsworth asked Stella.  

Falsworth had her hair pulled back in a tight bun that reminded Stella of the nuns from school, and Stella found herself cowed as she nodded.

Falsworth smiled approvingly just like the nuns, as if Stella’s honesty was the correct answer.   “I’m in.”

“I just have one question for you,” Dugan said.

“Yes?”

“Are your buying the next round?”

Stella nodded.

“Then I’m in too!” Dugan laughed.  

Stella bought them four more rounds, and they still showed no signs of slowing down. Stella was impressed and little worried about their livers when she snuck away to find Bucky sitting at the bar.  She was wearing pants and a loose men’s shirt, but she no longer bothered to bind her breasts and her hair was starting to grow out again.  On anyone else, the outfit might have looked a little sloppy, but somehow on Bucky it looked incredibly appealing.  She looked like Katherine Hepburn at the start of a love scene.  Stella swallowed before she sat down on the barstool next to Bucky.

“They all said yes.  They don’t know me from Adam, but they’re willing to do it because of you.”

“Like I told you, they’re all idiots,” Bucky said.  But Stella could see her trying to hide her smile with a quick drink.  

“What about you?  Are you willing to follow Captain America back into the jaws of death?”  Stella asked even though she already knew the answer.  She always knew the answer to this question.  

Bucky glared at her.  “Hell no.  But I know this kid from Brooklyn who was too stupid to run away from a fight-- that’s who I’m following.”

Then Bucky bumped her shoulder into Stella and wiggled her eyebrows.  “But you’re keeping the outfit right?”  

Stella laughed.  “You know what, it’s kind of growing on me.”

Then all the noise in the room abruptly hushed and Stella followed everyone else’s gaze toward the entryway of the bar.

Peggy was there in a red dress that matched her lipstick, and she looked better than any pinup Stella ever drew for a magazine.  

Bucky whistled, before she caught herself, and nodded sheepishly at Peggy.  “Agent Carter.”  

Somewhere behind them, the pianist must have recaptured his wits, and the music and the noise started back up again.  

Peggy nodded back at Bucky before turning to Stella.  “Howard has some equipment for you to try tomorrow morning.”

“Is there a flying car?” Bucky asked.

Peggy laughed and she sat herself down next to Bucky.  

“I’m afraid not.”

“Too bad, I’m tired of walking around the continent.  Thought maybe we’d get a better transport now that we’re traveling with Captain America,” Bucky said as she motioned for the bartender to get Peggy a drink.  

Peggy ordered the same scotch Bucky was drinking.

“You’re planning to go back with the Captain then.”  Peggy looked thoughtful.

“I’ve been following this one around since I was twelve.  Don’t plan to stop any time soon,” Bucky said. 

“I don’t doubt it.  But the U.S. military has certain feelings about women fighting on the front.”  Peggy sipped her scotch.  

“Col. Phillips didn’t seem too bothered when I asked him about Dernier and Falsworth--”

 “The U.S. military has certain feelings about American women fighting on the front,” Bucky cut off Stella.  

Peggy nodded.  “Captain Rogers told me that you spoke fluent Russian.”

 “Yana Yakova at your service ma’am,” Bucky smiled.  “The Reds train their women to be pretty decent snipers.”

“Excellent,” Peggy said.  She finished her drink in a gulp and frowned at it. “I’m pretty sure there was more water than scotch in that thing.”

“After the war, we’ll drink vodka,” Bucky said.  

Peggy laughed.  

“I knew there was a reason the good Captain could talk of nothing else,” Peggy said, and Stella found herself blushing, uncertain of how she felt about the quick camaraderie between Peggy and Bucky.    

“Peggy--”

Before anything else could be said, Dugan and Morita broke into a loud drunken ditty.  Their words were slurred, but Stella was pretty sure the lyrics were at least a little dirty.

“I see your top squad is preparing for duty,” Peggy said.  

“You don’t like music,” Bucky winked at her.

“I do actually.  I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.  Though unlike some people, I’m still waiting for the right partner,” Peggy said as her gaze wandered between Stella and Bucky.

Stella didn’t think it was possible, but she felt herself blushing harder.  

Bucky looked at Stella for a long moment, then leaned over to Peggy and whispered something in Peggy’s ear.

Peggy looked back at Stella speculatively before nodding.  

“I’ll look forward to collecting on that favor then, Ms. Yakova,” Peggy said.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Then Peggy got up, walked over to the pianist, and started talking to him.  

“What did you do?” Stella asked as Bucky pulled Stella up from her seat.

“I know a songbird when I see one,” Bucky said.  

The piano music shifted into a familiar melody, and Peggy began to sing. 

“Wow,” Stella whispered. “Is that--”

“Yep, Easy to Love, Cole Porter.  I knew she would have a good voice,” Bucky said as she drew Stella out onto the sticky floor of the bar.  “Come on, might be our last chance for a dance before going back in.”

Stella could never say no to Bucky, so she went.  

She let Bucky lead even though she could hear Bucky’s men hollering and hackling in the background.  It didn’t matter what they thought, all Stella could hear was Peggy’s smooth alto voice as Bucky wrapped herself around Stella, and they danced and danced and danced in the middle of the war.  

~~~

The next day, Stella went to SSR headquarters as Peggy requested, but she couldn’t find Stark in the bowels of the building.  When Stella tried to ask someone who she thought was one of Stark’s lab assistants, the man gave Stella a haunted look, and shook his head with such dismay that Stella backed off.

Instead, Stella ducked into Peggy’s office to fill out requisition forms for all the provisions her newly formed squad would need and waited for Stark to find her.  

About a hour later, Stark appeared at Peggy’s door. 

“There you are!  I’ve been looking all over for you,” Stark said.  Then he eyed Stella speculatively behind Peggy’s desk and Stella knew what he was thinking.  

Stella saw the dark circles under Stark’s eyes, and she had noted the manic twinge of Stark’s speech pattern, so she nodded.  

“Maybe just five minutes,” Stark said as he walked around the desk and laid down.  “A five minute nap will do me some good.”

Stark slept for six hours.  At hour two, Peggy came in, saw Stark’s legs sticking out from under the desk and walked right back out without saying anything.  

At hour four, Bucky stopped by and dropped off two sandwiches and a canteen.  

“Did he do this when you worked for him in Brooklyn?” Bucky asked as she lightly poked Stark with her foot.  Stark turned from his side to his back and began snoring even louder.

 “Yes,” Stella said. Then she took a drink from the canteen, and looked at Bucky in surprise.  “How did you find coffee?  Even Peggy couldn’t find me any coffee.”

 “I doubt a classy dame like that is willing to bat her eyelashes at some big strong men just to keep you happy,” Bucky said with a wink.  Then she nudged Stark again with her foot.  

 “When he wakes up, tell him I love the scope he made for me, and Morita requests one too.”

Stella nodded as she took another sip of the precious coffee, and smiled helplessly at Bucky.  Bucky smiled back, then left with the requisition forms that Stella had finished filling out.

When Stark finally woke up, he got up without preamble and continued talking as if he never stopped.  

“Well, that was a good five minutes nap. Now, let’s go get you a shield.”

Stella didn’t correct him, she just followed him out.  

~~~  

Stella loved the shield that Stark made for her, but Bucky complained it was painted like a target.  Though, both she and Peggy seemed happy enough shooting at it to “test it.”

The first actual test of the shield came when they were taking out a Hydra base.

Dernier had set off a diversion by planting a bomb in one of the vehicles going into the compound.  While the Hydra guards rushed toward the sound of the explosion, Stella and the rest of the squad went in the back entrance to set up more explosives.  

Stella charged in first with the shield out and drew some of the fire away from the rest of the group as they took out the remaining guards and planted the charges.  They were in and out in less than ten minutes.

As they were leaving the compound, Stella heard two consecutive gunshots before she saw two Hydra snipers fall from trees at least 200 yards apart from each other.

Stella looked to where Bucky was set up on a hill to give her a salute, and saw three Hydra men advancing on her position.  

Stella quickly calculated the trajectory that her shield needed to make--

But Bucky had already spun around and shot one of them with her rifle.  Then when the other two came too close to use her rifle, Bucky threw her rifle in the air to adjust her grip.  She caught it again with her left hand like a bat, and swung it directly at the closer Hydra goon, taking him out.  At the same time, Bucky had drew her handgun with her right hand, and used it to shoot the other goon.

Stella stopped moving for a moment.

She felt herself getting uncomfortably hot under the collar.

She wasn’t the only one who noticed what Bucky did, Morita gripped her shoulder and squeezed lightly.  When Stella turned to him, he only smiled lopsidedly at her.

“What a woman!” Dugan exclaimed near them.  

~~~

Between taking out Hydra strongholds, Stella found herself making an unexpected enemy.

“Are you telling me that none of my squad is good enough to be seen on camera because they are not white Protestant men?” Stella demanded as she very carefully did not break Senator Brandt’s assistant’s desk with her fist.  

Senator Brandt had thought it was a good idea to send a film crew to capture the deeds of Captain America in action to sell more war bonds as he was no longer interested in performing in stage shows.  News reports had started to trickle in all through the Western Front about Captain America and “his” unit’s successes against the Nazis, even though no one had been able to capture him on film.

But when Senator Brandt’s assistant, a tall man with perfectly tamed hair named Johnson, actually saw Stella’s unit, he decided they didn’t look American enough.  

Johnson didn’t back down.  “You got two men who are the wrong color, three foreign women, and one large Irish Catholic guy from New York.  This is not what America wants to see!”

“It’s who’s fighting for and dying for America,” Stella said.  

“Look, it’s just a short film clip.  I’ll get some other guys to fill in.  We just need one scene of you looking at a map and pointing, and maybe another one of you marching with a couple of American boys standing behind you.”

“No,” Stella said firmly.  “The America you want to see is not the one I’m fighting for.”

With that, Stella stormed out.

Bucky found her destroying a log with her bare hands about ten minutes later.  

“Well, at least we have kindling now,” Bucky said as she came up to Stella.

“I was tempted to pulled down my shirt and show him my boobs.”  Stella ripped apart another log.  

“I don’t think he’s making that kind of film.”

Stella threw the pieces of the log aside and turned to Bucky.

“Am I doing the right thing?” Stella asked, the fight draining out of her suddenly.  “I put on the cowl at first because I didn’t want the Nazis to think they actually killed Captain America.  I kept it on because it allowed me to do what I can do out here where the fighting is--  Now I think maybe I should have gone after you in a skirt.”

“You do have pretty nice legs.”

“Bucky!”

Bucky gently grabbed Stella’s hand.  “Hey, we’re taking out Nazis left and right.  And if that means you’re Steve Rogers and I’m Russian, that’s all that really matters, right?”

Stella slowly nodded, but she wasn’t convinced.  

“Besides, it’s probably for the best no one knows what we look like.  Can you imagine what my parents will do to us if they found out what we are doing right now?”

Stella tried to imagine it and cringed.   “Yeah, you’re right.”

Bucky continued.  “After the war--”

Stella looked up at her, startled.  They hadn’t dared to talk about after the war before, it seemed too presumptuous somehow.

Bucky was looking at her steadily, the edges of her eyes crinkling.  “After the war, maybe we can go work for Peggy.  There’ll always be people like the Nazis to fight.  And it’ll be easier if no one knows what we look like.”

Stella smiled and let Bucky pull her into a side hug.  “Yeah, that’d be nice, Buck.”   

~~~

Outside of a Hydra base near Paris, Stella’s luck almost ran out.  

Mortar fire knocked down an abandoned building on top of her.  Stella had time enough to hold up the shield over her head, then everything went black.  

Stella didn’t know how long she was buried, but when she came to, she was gasping for breath as Bucky and Dugan were lifting huge blocks of rubble off of her chest as quickly as they could.

Stella was pretty sure one of her ribs came close to puncturing her lungs (or possibly it actually punctured another organ as Stella pushed it back into place), but she healed so fast now that the excruciating pain faded to a dull ache several hours later when they set up camp in the woods nearby.  Morita and the rest of the guys kept on shooting her concerned looks, but Bucky’s face appeared blank.  

As dusk began to settle in, Bucky grabbed Stella by the hand and pulled her deeper into the forest without saying anything to anyone else. When they were out of view and earshot of the rest of the group, Bucky gently pushed Stella against a tree.  

“Strip.  I want to check,” Bucky said.

“I’m fine, Buck.”

“I know you don’t want others to know you’re a girl, but I need to see.”

“Buck--” Stella never got to finish her sentence because suddenly, Bucky’s lips were on hers.  

All thoughts poured out of Stella’s head, and Stella couldn’t do anything but kiss back. 

But Bucky kept on talking as she kissed and nipped on Stella’s lips.  “Stupid idiot.  I thought you were dead.  You were buried for almost an hour.”  Then Bucky lowered her head, pulled the fabric of Stella’s uniform away from Stella’s neck, and kissed along Stella’s collarbone.  

Stella couldn’t talk, couldn’t defend herself, couldn’t even think while Bucky’s lips were hotly marking her.

Stella’s hands seemed to catch on faster than Stella’s brain, as Stella felt them push under Bucky’s shirt of their own accord.  

When Stella brushed Bucky’s breasts gently with her fingertips, she felt more than heard Bucky gasp.  

Stella fought to gather what remained of her thoughts, and dragged her eyes from Bucky’s chest to Bucky’s face to see her expression.  But her eyes made a hard stop at Bucky’s lips, bitten red and swollen, and Stella had to kiss them.

Bucky kissed back.  Softer.  As if savoring the kiss.

When Stella was finally able to stop kissing Bucky long enough to look at her eyes, Bucky was looking back at her with everything that Stella had ever wanted.

“Buck, I--” Stella didn’t know what she wanted to say, but Bucky didn’t let her stutter.  She recaptured Stella’s lips and they were kissing again.  Bucky’s fingers snuck under Stella’s uniform, deftly going under the layer of bandage wrapping Stella’s breasts, and caressed Stella’s nipples.  Stella moaned into Bucky’s mouth and finally let her own fingers press into the fullness of Bucky’s breasts.  Bucky pressed herself into Stella harder--

A sudden crack of branches on the ground near them signaling footfall sent them flying apart.

Stella looked toward the sound, but whoever it was had already left.  When she turned back to Bucky, Bucky was adjusting her shirt, which Stella had almost completely pulled off without realizing.  

“Bucky, I--”

“Stella Grace Rogers, if the next words out of your mouth is an apology, I’m going to punch you hard enough to break your jaw--”

The words startled a laugh out of Stella.  She realized that she was about to apologize.  

“I’m not sorry about what we just did, and the minute we have four walls and a bed, I’m going to continue what we just did, and I don’t plan on stopping,” Bucky said, the tilt of her chin set.  

“I love you,” Stella said.  Because what else was there to say.

“I love you too, punk.”

~~~

Stella wondered if the rest of the squad could sense the change between her and Bucky.  She felt her own skin feeling too tight, too hot, whenever she sat near Bucky-- constantly wanting to reach out and touch her.  Sometimes, the only thing that stopped Stella from physically pressing her entire body into Bucky was the fear of what Dernier would do to her if she did that. She healed fast, but she wasn’t sure what a set of explosives Dernier could rig up would do to her.

But no one said anything.  They kept on saying nothing when Bucky started to crawl into Stella’s bedroll at night.  

Then, one night while they were camped out in Allied territory for once, and actually had a small fire going, Dugan asked Stella, “So, Cap, when are you going to make an honest woman out of our Sergeant?”

The question was so unexpected Stella dropped her drumstick of mystery bird into the fire and scrambled to fish it out.

“I expect to be invited to the ceremony,” Dernier said, ignoring Stella burning her fingers digging for her fallen dinner in the embers.  “And I expect you to pay for it.”

“Maybe they can get married in Paris,” Jones said.  “We can get Uncle Sam to pay for us to come back after we win the war.  I always wanted to go to the Louvre.”

“Yes,” Dernier immediately agreed.  “Bucky should have some Chantilly lace for her dress and veil.”

“She should have Bucks point lace!” Falsworth laughed.  

“Glad you guys have my wedding all planned out,” Bucky lightly punched Jones’ shoulder.  “But if you really want to know, the good Cap is Irish, and he’s already bought me a blue dress.”

Stella felt all the air leave her lungs--  Bucky’s blue dress.  

Morita grasped Stella’s shoulders firmly and shook her.   “You okay there, Cap?  You look like you’re about to choke.”

“You were planning on marrying Bucky, yes?” Dernier asked, her eyes narrowing.

Stella paused at the possibility laid out in front of her.  After the war, they could go somewhere where no one knew of a Stella Rogers.  She could keep on being Steve, and they could get married-- adopt a couple of kids-- and go dancing together whenever they wanted to in their own living room.  

Stella looked across the fire at Bucky, and she could suddenly see it all.  Bucky in her blue dress and a lace veil, Stella in her dress uniform--

“I’d like nothing more,” Stella said.  

Bucky was looking back at her steadily.  “Yeah pal.  Ask me properly after the war.”

~~~

Two weeks later, Bucky fell.  

~~~

  
The first time Stella almost died, she was twelve years old.

It was a late evening on a cold day in November.  Stella’s Ma was working an overnight shift at the hospital.  Stella was sitting outside on the fire escape to get away from the sounds of the next door neighbors enjoying themselves, when she spotted Mr. Freeman lying on the corner, his body bent at an unnatural angle. 

Mr. Freeman had fought in the Great War, like Stella’s Pa, but he came back.  

Except, Stella overheard Sarah Rogers telling one of their neighbors that Mr. Freeman came back with something dead inside of him. 

Everyone in the neighborhood thought he lived alone in squalor on the bottom floor of Stella’s apartment, and tried his best to drown himself in bottles of bootleg.  

But a few months before, when Stella was getting beaten up by some boys for yelling at them when they were throwing rocks at a sick cat, Mr. Freeman chased the boys away.  Then he took Stella back to his apartment and washed the blood away from her arm and face with a towel and a basin of water.

Mr. Freeman didn’t talk as he did it.  He didn’t ask Stella any questions about what happened.  So Stella looked around.  Mr. Freeman’s apartment was spartan and dusty but it didn’t smell.  There was a photo of a soldier in uniform on the desk, and it was the only thing that wasn’t covered in dust in the apartment.  

Mr. Freeman noticed Stella looking at the photo, and said, “It’s my friend Jack.  He died in the War like your father.” 

Mr. Freeman didn’t say anything else.  After he cleaned her up, he walked Stella home.

The next time Stella saw Mr. Freeman, he was drunk and he didn’t even acknowledge Stella’s hello.

But when Stella saw Mr. Freeman slumped in the corner, she knew--

She ran down the stairs and went to him.  He was already blue, and his body was stiff.  

Stella stayed with him.  She knew no one would bury him until the morning, but she didn’t want him to be alone.

There was a boy who came by to tell her to go back inside because it was getting too cold, but Stella barely heard him.  She looked at Mr. Freeman’s sad face, frozen for eternity, and thought about what it must have been like to have died alone like that.  She thought about her Pa, dying alone in a ditch in some distant land.  

Stella must have fallen asleep like that, but she was woken by a blanket being wrapped around her, and a tin cup of something hot being put in her hands.

“You Rogers?  Mrs. Rogers’ girl?” A girl Stella’s age asked. “You scared my little brother.  He thinks you’re trying to kill yourself sitting here in the cold like this.”

Stella had seen her before at school, but they were in different classes.  Stella thought her name was Jane.

Stella wanted to defend herself, but she was so tired, and so cold.  Looking at Mr. Freeman, Stella didn’t feel her usual anger-- so she answered honestly.  

“I didn’t want him to be alone,” Stella said.  “I know he’s dead, but I didn’t want him to be alone.”

The girl didn’t say anything for a long time.  

“Drink the soup before it gets cold,” she said finally.  Then she was gone.

Before Stella finished drinking all of the soup, the girl was back.  She had more blankets and another tin with her.  She wrapped another blanket on Stella, and sat down next to her with her own blanket.  

“I’m Bucky,” she said.  “What’s your name?  Unless you want me to keep on calling you Rogers.”

“Stella--” Stella answered, but she looked at Bucky in confusion.  “What are you doing?”

“You shouldn’t be alone either, pal,” Bucky said.  After that, Bucky didn’t try to make conversation.  They just sat together, keeping vigil.  

Stella was never alone again after that.  Not really.  

Until Bucky fell.   

~~~

The final time Stella died, she was piloting a ship straight into the ice.  She wondered if she would feel the cold.  

Peggy was with her on the comms.  

 “Hey Peggy?”

 "I’m here.”

Stella stared at the ice looming closer in front of her, and tried to imagine somewhere warm.  “Remember that Cole Porter song you sung at the bar?  Can you sing it for me?”

“Of course,” Peggy’s voice broke.  But when she began to sing, her voice was smooth and low.

As the ship impacted on the ice, Stella closed her eyes and time slowed.  She was back at the club, Peggy was singing softly for them as she and Bucky danced and danced and danced.  


	3. Interlude

Stella wakes up alone in a sterile room.

The future is nothing like what’s described in Bucky’s pulp novels, nor is it anything like how Stark imagined it. There are no flying cars, and there is no Howard Stark.

Peggy is gone.

All of her squad are dead.

Bucky is not here.

~~~

SHIELD sets up a room for her to help her “adjust” to the new world.

They give her a radio that pretends to operate on dials.

Stella finds an AM station to listen to a baseball game. She finds comfort that the rules of the game are mostly the same.

On day three, Agent 13 shows up, and teaches Stella how to use a computer and the internet. Stella has a strange sense of deja vu as she listens to Agent 13 talk, then Agent 13 brushes a strand of hair from her face--

It’s like watching a reflection on frosted glass, everything is the same except you can’t focus on the details.

“Peggy?” Stella whispers before she could stop herself.

Agent 13 doesn’t look up, doesn’t acknowledge that Stella has said anything. She doesn’t even pause in her explanation on how to use a “browser.”

She places her hand over Stella’s, to guide her on something called a mouse and gently taps out in morse code on Stella’s hand. _She was my aunt. Be careful. Ears everywhere._

Stella carefully doesn’t reply, but when Agent 13 leaves, Stella sits down in front of her computer and begins to research everything she can about the past 70 years. She fights the shiver at the base of her neck, feeling the ghost of Hydra’s tentacled heads breathing down her back--

~~~

Stella spends half a day crying in her room when she realizes that Dernier died only two months before Stella woke up.

She knows someone at SHIELD is watching her sob hysterically into her pillow, carefully documenting her mental state, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

They don’t exactly restrict her movements, so she walks out and joins a boxing gym while her eyes are still red and swollen. She punches the heavy bag without wrapping her hands until the bag breaks.

She pays for the damaged bag with a tiny piece of plastic, and goes back again the next day.

~~~

Stella has a clear memory of Father Collins stopping Sarah Rogers after mass one day when Stella was fifteen years old. “Your girl is too angry, Sarah. Wrath is a sin that needs to be repented for.” Stella’s Ma didn’t say anything back, but she went to mass less and less after that. She never talked to Stella about it.

Stella thinks about Father Collin’s warning sometimes when she is punching the heavy bag, her breathing even despite the exertion.

Her skin feels too tight nowadays, and a fire burns in her belly all the time. It’s ironic, she thinks. She survives the war without any scars, but her insides are scorched beyond recognition.

She thinks about the brick wall that she punched through when she first found out about how Dr. Erskine died, she thinks about the traitor that they never caught that must have given up Hodge’s location, and she wonders what SHIELD would do if they caught her punching another brick wall.

~~~

Four weeks after she wakes up, Director Nicholas Fury finds her at the gym.

He tells her Howard Stark fished out the Tesseract when he was looking for her, and now some evil trickster Norse god has it.

It’s so ridiculous Stella wants to laugh in his face, but she goes with him. She doesn’t trust him, but she knows she is a loose canon, and for now, she lets him point her a specific direction.

Agent Coulson, a middle age man with mild manners, reverently gives her back her shield. He holds it like it’s something precious. “You must miss the feel of it in your hand.”

Stella doesn’t respond. It's been less than a month since she felt the weight of it on her back.

~~~

Agent Coulson introduces Stella as the real Captain America to Tony Stark.

Tony, surprisingly, knows what that means.

History has conveniently written out Stella Rogers. SSR cum SHIELD had classified anything to do with Hydra, and Captain America is relegated to a war time propaganda poster. “He” is a footnote in U.S. History with less meaning than Rosie the Riveter, who never lived.

But Tony Stark seems to know exactly who Stella is.

“Fuck me, you’re girl! Were you always a girl?” Tony practically shrieks. Then he sits down on the ground so fast, it almost looks like he fell. Stella wonders what Howard Stark had told his son about Captain America.

“Gilmore Hodge was the one in the Captain America movies. But it’s been me since 1943,” Stella says after a moment. “Your father made me the shield.”

“Oh my God, was my Dad in love with you?” Tony asks from the floor. He looks so much younger than he did seconds before.

“No, we--” Stella isn’t sure how to continue. She finally settles on, “we were in the war together. I worked for him before I was Captain America, and he took naps under my desk.”

Tony narrows his eyes at her. “What’s that supposed to mean? Is that some weird old timey euphemism?”

Stella fights the urge to punch Tony in the back like she used to punch Howard Stark when he said something offensive, but she doesn’t know Tony. She says, “Yes, it’s an old timey euphemism for he likes to fall asleep under my desk.”

~~~

Stella gets to know Tony while battling an alien army with the help of a former Russian assassin, an expert marksman who uses arrows, a Norse god, and a giant green rage monster.

The future, Stella decides, can go fuck itself. (Tony tells her that she’s allowed to cuss as much as she likes, as if Stella wasn’t part of the U.S. Army during a world war. Stella refrains from telling Tony to go fuck himself, but only just.)

Afterward, when they miraculously survive and stop the invasion, they go to eat at a tiny Middle Eastern restaurant that is missing part of its front door, and only has one non-collapsed table left.

“You should go shopping with Pepper,” Tony says to her while chewing on his shawarma, bits of lamb falling on his Iron Man suit. “You look like a dude in your costume.”

Because Tony has his suit on, Stella punches him without holding back, and sends him crashing into his food.

~~~

Stella moves from her SHIELD apartment into the newly named Avengers Tower. She finds Jarvis a more comforting watcher than SHIELD.

On the second night in her apartment, Stella doodles the view from her the eighty-second floor windows. She almost looks for an envelope when she remembers that she can’t send it to Bucky anymore.

She burns the drawing over the stove and carefully does not punch any walls.

She realizes later that JARVIS doesn’t tell Tony about this incident, not even about her making an open flame in his building.

~~~

A week into living at Avengers Tower, Tony calls her at 1am from outside of her door. Stella is idly staring at the diminishing traffic on the FDR when she picks up her telephone (one of the more futurist things about 2012). “What do you want, Tony?”

“Do you have peanut butter?” Tony asks, apropos of nothing. “I’m all out of peanut butter.”

“I have no idea.” Stella lets Tony in. He is clutching a cup of something green in one hand, and holding a screwdriver in the other. There are deep circles under his eyes. She tells him, “you can look for it yourself in the kitchen.”

Tony falls asleep mid search, slumped over Stella’s cold stove.

Stella shakes her head, and carries Tony onto her sofa. Tony is lighter than she expects. She wonders if he eats enough. Tony doesn’t stir when Stella deposits him on the sofa.

Stella lets him sleep.

~~~

Stella carefully establishes a pattern to her days--she wakes up, she goes on a long run, she showers and eats, she goes for a long motorcycle ride, she goes to the gym and destroys three punching bags, she goes back to Avenger Tower, she showers and eats and goes to sleep. Repeat.

After two weeks, SHIELD cuts back their surveillance on her. After two months, they leave only one person on her detail. The resources they burn to watch her must have not seem justified to some higher ups.

~~~

Tony shows up in her kitchen one day with a pale blue envelope. “This came in the mail for the Avengers. It’s addressed to Stella Rogers, not Captain America.”

No one this century knows Stella Rogers--

Stella takes the envelope from Tony and looks at the return address, and her breath catches.

_Dear Stella,_

_I feel silly writing this, but after all this time, if it is you, I had to try._

_There is a video of you saving those people at Grand Central Station with your mask off. It’s only forty seconds long, but I must have watched it a thousand times. My daughters all think I’m crazy, but every time I see it, I see your face looking out and I know in my heart it is you._

_I have a photo of you and Bucky from my wedding. I keep on looking at it trying to find the differences, and I can’t. I know it’s been seventy years and you’re a foot taller, but I have always believed in the impossible… After all, I’m a Jewish girl that married a good Catholic boy in 1942._

_Jamie is gone, but I am here. We have three daughters, seven grandchildren, and four great grandbabies, and they would all love to meet you._

_My address is on the envelope. Stella, please come home to us._

_Leah_

~~~

Stella knocks on the door of a beautiful row house in Arlington, Virginia. There is a magnolia tree aflame with flowers in the front yard.

An older woman with white curly hair opens the door. She has the Barnes’ grey eyes.

“Yes?” She asks, looking curiously at Stella. Then she pauses. “Wait-- are you-- My mom isn’t-- You’re not really--”

Stella isn’t sure how to answer the question that’s not asked except to say, “Hi. I’m Stella Rogers. I’m here to see Leah.”

“Stella?” Leah walks out slowly from the living room.

~~~

Leah doesn’t ask any questions, she just hugs Stella tight. She feels tiny and feather light in Stella’s over large embrace. Stella remembers hugging Leah at her wedding less than three years ago-- a lifetime ago-- when Leah had been bigger than her.

When they finally let each other go, Leah sits Stella down on her dark gray sofa and just looks at her for a long time.

Leah’s youngest daughter, Abby, brings them coffee in a plain white china cups that Stella remembers from Mrs. Barnes’ table.

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you guys need anything,” Abby says, then excuses herself while Stella stares blankly at Mrs. Barnes’ old coffee cup.

~~~

Leah pulls herself up slowly using the handles of the sofa. She retrieves a laminated wooden box from an overstuffed bookcase, and pulls out a letter in a familiar handwriting.

It’s a letter Bucky’s Ma had gotten from Ms. Margaret Carter informing her that Bucky had been declared Missing In Action. There were no details of what happened in the letter, but Peggy wanted them to know that Sgt. Barnes had saved countless lives.

Leah shows Stella an almost identical letter they had gotten from Peggy a month later, telling them that Stella had also been declared MIA.

“We didn’t say anything to Ma, but Jamie and I always thought you went after Bucky,” Leah says as she wipes away tears with a freckled hand.

Stella hears the sound of a choked sob, and it takes her a second to realize it came from her.

Leah doesn’t ask Stella to explain, she doesn’t try to tell Stella it’s okay. She whispers, “I know what it’s like to be in love with a Barnes.”

Stella sobs harder, and feels herself fall apart softly on Leah’s sofa.

Leah cries with her and holds her hand.

~~~

Abby checks in on them after a while, and brings over another box of tissues.

Leah visibly gathers herself at the sight of her daughter.

“Looks at us, two ninety year olds acting like we’re senile,” Leah says with a laugh.

Then Leah gets up from the sofa, and goes to her desk. She turns on a computer, and gestures for Stella to sit down next to her in a wooden chair.

“I hope you don’t have anything else planned for the rest of the day,” Abby says to Stella, watching her mother switching the computer screen to a collection of photographs.

“Of course, she doesn’t,” Leah says, “Stella has seventy years of photos and gossip to go catch up on.”

Stella smiles and nods.

~~~

Stella hasn’t gone back to Brooklyn since she woke up. She has gone to Greenwood to lay white roses on her mother’s grave, but she hasn’t gone back to Brooklyn. She can’t face the changes that have transformed the borough in the past 70 years while she slept. Going back means knowing she can never go home.

Yet sitting in Leah’s living room, looking through Leah’s digitized photos of all the Barnes born and living while she slept, Stella thinks maybe some day, she can come back from the war.

~~~

Stella moves to Washington D.C.

Two weeks later, “Kate” moves in next door as her neighbor. Stella helps Agent 13 with her boxes.

~~~

Stella’s new life goes like this:

She joins SHIELD and goes on missions with Natasha.

She runs predawn around the National Monuments.

She lets Tony fly to her apartment in the middle of the night in his suit, and nap in her DC kitchen.

She gets Pepper’s number on speed dial.

She meets Sharon Carter inside the National Museum of Natural History, and they sit together inside the room playing the short documentary on American Propaganda during WWII on repeat. In the darkness, and to the background of Captain America film clips, Sharon tells her about Peggy’s life-- and how Peggy spent the last five years of her life trying to reign in the organization she had helped establish as it slowly descended into the ultimate surveillance state.

She goes shopping with Natasha and lets Nat pick out most of her wardrobe.

She visits Leah every Sunday, and slowly gets to know all the local Barnes.

She doesn’t visit Bucky’s empty grave at Arlington.

She burns more of the drawings she makes.

She prepares for the battle she knows is coming because some day she will come back from war, but not yet.


	4. Chapter 4

When Stella runs at predawn around all the National Monuments, she goes as fast as she can, letting the crisp cold air rush into her lungs over and over again until she can feel the burn.

On a chilly Tuesday morning, when she passes Constitution Garden Pond, she startles three sleeping geese, which all fly at her at once. She nearly falls over in an attempt to avoid a collision with the water fowls (she knows she is as hard a brick wall nowadays, and she doesn’t want to hurt the geese.)

A pair of steady hands catches her.

That’s how she meets Samantha Wilson.

Later, Sam tells everyone that cares to ask that they met when Sam saved Stella from being goosed by geese.

~~~

Sam convinces Stella to go to the VA and sit in on veterans’ group meetings. Sam lets her sit quietly at the back of the room. It takes Stella a while to realize that Sam doesn’t make any of the veterans at the meetings talk until they are ready.

Stella listens to the other soldiers’ stories about losing limbs to improvised explosive devices, striking civilian targets while operating on incorrect intel, and surviving rollover Humvee accidents that killed their buddies.

She listens and sometimes she cries with them.

~~~

When Stella starts showing up early to the meetings, she realizes the reason the coffee tastes so good at this VA is because Sam switches out the standard issue black tar with something she bought at a little hipster coffee shop in Columbia Heights.

After that, Stella starts bringing donuts from a hole in the wall place near Georgetown to replace the supermarket pastries.

“Good coffee and the right amount of sugar should be part of every recovery,” Sam says the first time she sees Stella dropping off the donuts.

~~~

Sam tells Stella about Riley two months after Stella starts attending meetings at the VA.

A month later, Stella invites Sam to her apartment. Sam brings a bag of freshly roasted coffee and two dozen donuts.

Slowly, over a ridiculous amount of expensive coffee, tears, and all two dozen donuts, Stella tells Sam about Bucky.

Amazingly, Stella feels better after that.

She doesn’t tell Sam immediately because Sam is slumped over Stella’s couch cursing Stella and herself for eating so much donuts.

~~~

Things are quiet at SHIELD. The missions become less frequent. Stella waits for the other shoe to drop. She gets assigned to a STRIKE team lead by Brock Rumlow.

Two STRIKE team members ask her out. One of them calls her a lesbian when she says no.

Rumlow punches him out.

“You’re off the team,” Rumlow says to Jenkins as Jenkins wipes away the blood from his face. Rumlow has clearly broken Jenkins’ nose.

Rumlow smiles at her. “Don’t let these guys get to you. You’re doing great.”

“Thanks,” Stella says. She doesn’t say, _I don’t need your help or your stupid chivalry_. She doesn’t say _I have been in love with the same woman all of my life_.

She’s watches Rumlow, just as she knows Rumlow is watching her.

She burns a drawing she makes of Rumlow as a snake in tall grass.

~~~

Natasha picks Stella up for a mission while she is mid run with Sam.

Sam, who has never officially met Natasha, gives Natasha and her black mustang an appreciative look.

“How’re you doing?” Sam says with a wink.

Stella almost says Natasha doesn’t date girls except Natasha is looking at Sam consideringly with a tilt of her head. Stella mentally shakes herself, and smiles. Some things are better in the future.

~~~

On their air transport to the target site, Rumlow briefs them on the French mercenary who has captured the Lemurian Star and taken its crew hostage.

The briefings always come last minute. Stella wonders if Fury designed the standard operating procedures this way to stop Stella from fully analyzing the missions. Stella isn’t sure if she should be flattered that Fury trusts her to be able to make these plans of attack in seconds, or annoyed that Fury isn’t at all interested in her mind other than as a weapon.

Rumlow seems content enough to let Stella lead the rescue.

The mission works without a hitch as Rumlow and STRIKE free the hostages, and Stella corners Batroc, the mercenary who’s supposed to be the leader of the hostage situation, outside the control room of the ship.

Batroc eyes Stella’s uniform with a condescending smile. He says in French, “I thought you were more than just a shield.”

Stella throws her shield into the wall closest to Batroc, watches it bounce off it and hit Batroc squarely in the chest before bouncing back to her.

“I’m a lot of things beyond the shield,” Stella replies in French as she zip ties Batroc’s hands and legs. “Good at math, efficient-- The list goes on.”

She drops Batroc on the ground when she’s done and goes to clear the control room. There, she finds Natasha downloading something from the Lemurian Star’s computer.

Stella frowns at her. Stella waits until the flash drive finishes its download, and then she moves deliberately in front of Natasha to remove it from the port.

“Want to tell me what this is all about?”

“Nope,” Natasha takes the drive from Stella’s hand. “Not until you’re ready to tell me about the copy of the flash drive you just made with that Stark dongle in your sleeve.”

“Fair enough,” Stella says. She should have known better than to try to out spy Natasha. Peggy trained Stella well, but this is Natasha.

The corner of Natasha’s mouth shifts up as they leave the control room together. “You’d make a decent spy-- for a soldier.”

~~~

Stella doesn’t bother confronting Fury about what happened. After Fury’s explanation on “Phase 2” of SHIELD’s weapons development during the Chitauri attack, Stella carefully manages how many times she wants to be condescended to again by that man.

Instead, Stella calls Pepper the moment she exits SHIELD HQ.

“Is Tony available to decode a flash drive for me?”

“Yes!” Pepper says immediately. “Keep him away from New York as long as you can! He’s been bored, and taking it out by poking Ambassadors at the UN before the clean energy summit.”

Stella smiles. She hopes that Howard had found someone like Pepper.

~~~

It’s a Sunday, so Stella visits Leah, and gets fed Mrs. Barnes’ borscht soup first before she goes to drop off the flash drive to Tony at a fancy rooftop bar north of the National Mall.

“Do I get any hints on what this is or is it just my surprise birthday present?” Tony asks as he accepts the dongle and slips into his pocket. Tony is in a suit that looks much too warm for the humid DC weather. Stella wants to sweat just looking at him.

“It’s a copy of a hard drive from a ship. Fury had Natasha steal the information on it.”

Tony clasps his hands together in glee. “Ooo, that is a good present. That man’s secrets has secrets.”

“Call me when you figure it out?” Stella waves her Stark smartphone that she keeps it in a separate pocket than her SHIELD issued one.

“Of course mon capitaine,” Tony waves some sort of amber colored drink back at Stella.

~~~

Sharon is in the hallway with a laundry basket when Stella gets back to her apartment.

Stella goes into combat mode immediately, recognizing their code for an unidentified person or persons in Stella’s apartment. “Wanna use my machine?”

“Nah, I just finished a rotation at the infectious disease unit,” Sharon smiles. “You wouldn’t want this stuff in your wash. But I think you left your music on.”

“Ah, thanks, Kate. I’ll see you later,” Stella says as she goes to her own door. She doesn’t have her shield on her, but she has a folded field knife in her pants. She feels for it before she turns the key to her door even though the sharp blade is probably less lethal than her bare hands.

She is surprised to find Nick Fury slumped on her reading chair in the darkness. He looks like he was on the losing end of a fight recently.

“I don’t recall giving you a key,” Stella says, keeping her voice casual as Fury pulls out his phone. EARS EVERYWHERE, Fury’s phone displays.

“You think I need one?” Fury asks. “Wife kicked me out.”

“I didn’t know you were married.” Stella gamely plays along as she makes sure that her shield was in lunging distance.

“Not a lot of people do,” Fury says as he gets up from the chair. His phone showing SHIELD COMPROMISED.

No shit, Stella thinks meanly, but she keeps her own counsel as Fury walks to her and presses the flash drive Natasha had made from the Lemurian Star into Stella’s hand. That does surprise Stella, but before she could react, a gunshot pierces Fury’s chest cavity.

Stella grabs her shield fast enough to block the next two bullets that would have gone through Fury’s head.

Sharon kicks open her door. “Captain Rogers?”

“Tell SHIELD I’m in pursuit of the shooter,” Stella says, trusting Sharon to care for Fury as she leaps out of her window toward the shooter.

The assailant, wearing all black combat gear, bolts from his position, moving inhumanly fast.

Stella runs after him, throwing her shield the second she has a clear shot.

The shooter pauses mid stride, turns and catches the shield with what looks likes a metal arm, and throws it back at Stella. Stella recognizes an enhanced soldier when she sees one, and ducks as her shield zooms over her head.

Using the shooter’s momentary deceleration Stella catches up to him and tackles him to the ground.

He pulls out a handgun as they are falling and fires it at Stella, but Stella is able to force the barrel away from her face with her elbow just before the trigger pull, and she kicks hard at his left knee.

His knee folds down, but his metal hand grabs Stella by the throat, and he lifts Stella into the air. Stella grabs onto his face with her hand and squeezes as hard as she can to prevent the soldier from crushing her windpipe. The pressure from Stella’s hand cracks his face mask, and he drops her, then forward rolls away from Stella. The mask falls off to the ground with a soft clunk.

Stella’s entire world stops as she looks at the familiar face before her.

“Bucky?”

Bucky’s face, which had been expressionless before Stella had spoken, seem to crumble for a fraction of a second at her name before it goes back to being expressionless. It happens so fast Stella doesn’t know if she imagined it.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Bucky asks uncertainly.

Stella approaches Bucky slowly with her stance completely open. She makes no moves to defend herself even as Bucky aims the P-90 strapped to her back at Stella.

Stella doesn’t care if this is a trick-- she knows the person standing in front of her is Bucky to the marrow of her bones.

Her voice shakes as she says, “your name is Jane Buchanan Barnes. You’re my best friend.”

Stella hopes she’s getting somewhere when Bucky steps back, and doesn’t fire.

Stella’s Starkphone suddenly rings, startling her. She looks down toward it automatically, and Bucky strikes her hard on the torso, knocking her over. When she gets back up, Bucky is gone.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Stella lets herself collapse back on the ground again, fighting the urge to pound her chest and scream.

The Starkphone continues to ring. Stella breathes in slowly for ten counts before she collects herself enough to answer.

“What?” Stella says, harsher than she means to. This is not Tony’s fault-- it’s hers--

“Hydra,” Tony says. “I think it’s fucking Hydra.”

“What?”

“The information on that flash drive, it looks like it’s a Hydra thing. Some sort of an algorithm that calculates and provides the exact coordinates of -- fuck-- any one who has half a brain. Me, you, Pepper, all the Avengers--”

Stella’s brain cannot process Tony’s words.

“And it’s based out of New Jersey. I hate Jersey,” Tony pauses. “Cap? Stella? You still there?”

“Yes, sorry,” Stella mentally shakes herself. “Rough night. Fury was just shot in the chest by-- by someone I know.”

“What? Who?”

_My best friend-- my everything--_

There is a beat of silence that lingers when Stella doesn’t--can’t answer.

Stella finally says, “Tony, can you check out the thing in Jersey? I gotta-- I--” _Find Bucky--Save Bucky--_

Stella doesn’t know what Tony hears in her voice, but he lets it go. “Yeah, I got Jersey. I’m practically there right now.”

The connection clicks shut, and Stella still hasn’t caught her breath.

Her SHIELD phone is ringing in her other pocket.

Stella tries to inhale through the lump in her throat, and picks up the call. “Rogers.”

“Did you get the shooter?” Natasha’s voice.

“No--, s-- he was too fast,” Stella says.

“Meet me at the hospital. They took him to George Washington.” Natasha probably catches Stella’s slip, but she doesn’t call her out on it.

“See you there.”

~~~

Stella tries to collect herself on the ride over to George Washington, but she can’t. She knows-- knows that whatever happened to Bucky at Azzano must have allowed her to survive the fall-- and Stella didn’t go after her-- Stella let Bucky be taken--

She narrowly avoids skidding her motorcycle under a car when a jeep comes too close. Stella mentally shakes herself, and forces herself to concentrate on the road.

When she gets to the hospital, Maria Hill is there, her eyes are red but there are no tears.

“The doctors declared the Director dead on arrival,” Hill says.

Stella nods slowly. She wonders if Fury was already dead before he even left her apartment. Bucky always had impeccable aim.

She finds Natasha standing over Fury’s body when Stella finally sees him. Natasha’s hand gently touching on his forehead.

“We have to take him,” Hill says. Natasha takes a deep breath and steps back to let Hill’s team do their job.

When Natasha finally turns to Stella in the corridor of the hospital, her expression is carefully blank. Stella recognizes that look. She has seen it in the mirror too many times.

“Tell me about the shooter.”

“He’s fast and strong. Has a metal arm,” Stella provides the least amount of detail possible. She knows SHIELD has surveillance camera around her apartment. There is no way none of it captured Bucky as she ran off.

“The bullet they pulled out of Nick was Soviet made,” Natasha says.

“Soviet?” Stella echoes. She thought the Soviet Union broke up almost thirty years before she woke up. How did Bucky get a Soviet made bullet--

“They call her the Winter Soldier,” Natasha continues. “Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe she exists, because she has been credited with a dozen assassinations in the last fifty years.”

Stella feels herself tense at the easy way Natasha uses the female pronoun--

“Captain, they want you back at SHIELD,” Rumlow approaches them from the corridor.

“Yeah, give me a second.”

“They want you now,” Rumlow says as he stalks closer, using his bulk to crowd them, then he reaches out to touch Stella’s shoulder.

Stella is too tired to fight the urge to physically push him back, she grabs his hand and throws it off.

Surprise, then anger flashes on Rumlow’s face, but he shrugs it off. “Now,” he says again without raising his voice.

Stella knows this is not the time to have it out-- she nods.

Natasha watches her follow Rumlow out of the hospital.

~~~

As soon as Stella gets into the back of the STRIKE transport vehicle she knows something is wrong.

Rumlow is too well trained, but Rollins and Moreau are both lightly sweating. Stella can practically see the adrenalin pumping through Moreau’s system as a vein in his neck throbbed.

They are planning a hit on her.

Stella almost laughs.

There are only six men sitting in the back of the transport with her.

Howard Stark, she realizes, never shared her full capabilities with the SSR-- the results of her actual strength tests with Dr. Erskine and Stark. These men in front of her are relying on what she pretends is her maximum ability in the twenty-first century-- they are relying on all those training sessions with STRIKE at the SHIELD gym where she so carefully restrains her power.

Unlike Stella, these men have not been at war continuously for five years. She would feel a little sorry for them if they weren’t about to attack her.

“Before we get started,” Stella says. “Anyone want to get out?”

Rollins moves first, draws his sidearm out and fires toward Stella. But by the time he aims his weapon, Stella already has Jackson in front of her. She hears the dull thud of the bullet hitting Jackson’s kevlar more than she hears the bullet being fired.

Rumlow has a pair of magnetic cuffs out, but Stella knows they are just for show. They weren't expecting Rollins to miss his kill shot.

Stella smiles, and does not hold back.

She knocks everyone out in under forty-five seconds, including the driver, leaving the transport vehicle skidding toward the embankment. Stella jumps out and rolls away from oncoming traffic.

As Stella stomps her SHIELD phone and the tracker inside on side of the road, Natasha pulls up beside her in the black mustang.

Natasha rolls down the window, and casually greets Stella. “Hey ya, Cap. Need a ride?”

Stella climbs in.

~~~

“Do you trust me?” Natasha asks as they speed away.

“Yes, but I’m still wearing a seat belt,” Stella says as they swerve past an SUV.

Natasha turns her head to Stella, deliberately keeping her eyes off the road. When Stella doesn’t immediately answer, Natasha rises a perfectly shaped brow.

Stella concedes defeat in this game of chicken as Natasha passes another car without even glancing in front of her. “I trust you, Nat. I trust you more than I trust Fury.”

“Why?” Natasha finally turns her head forward again.

Stella shakes her head, letting the exhaustion flow through her for a moment-- she feels more drained than she has felt in a long time. She looks inside herself and gives the most sincere answer she can. “Fury believes the end justifies the means. You put your trust in people-- like I do.”

The edges of Natasha’s eyes crinkle and soften. Stella wonders if Natasha is deliberately letting Stella see these tiny tells.

Stella continues, “you trust Barton. You trusted Fury. You trust me--”

“Awfully sure of yourself there, Cap,” Natasha says as she shifts the car into a higher gear.

Stella tightens her grip on the passenger side window, and braces herself.

“We both know I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”

Natasha smiles. “You would have made a decent spy, Stella. Now ask me the question you've been wanting to ask me.”

Stella takes a breath, and asks, “How did you know the Winter Soldier is a woman?”

“She was the first person I trusted,” Natasha says. Stella holds her breath.

“Our handlers brought her to us to teach us how to shoot. I was seven years old. Yana always said I was her favorite. But I think she said that to all of the girls. We only had her for six months, but by the end of it, we could all hit a bullseye with a handgun at 50 yards.”

The plastic and metal cracks under Stella’s hand on the frame of the car.

Natasha doesn’t look at her or toward the sound of the fracturing metal. “When we were twelve, she was brought back to us. In order to continue in our program, we had to survive three minutes with her in hand to hand combat. But they took her away from us again when they realized she wasn’t going to kill any of us when we made a mistake.”

Stella couldn’t begin to name the series of emotions rushing through her as she listened to Natasha, but a sliver of hope is floating on top of everything-- a bright and burning thing in the middle of her chest.

Natasha continues to look ahead at the road.

“I didn’t see her again until five years ago. I was escorting an Iranian nuclear engineer when my tires were shot out near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the she was there. She let me see her. I did my job, covering the engineer, and she shot him straight through me. A Soviet slug, no rifling.”

Natasha lifts her shirt up and shows Stella a large scar in the center of her abdomen.

“That’s when I knew she still loved me,” Natasha says, her voice softer. “Bullets are cheap. She could have shot both of us in the head. But to shoot through me without hitting a single vital organ-- "

“Yes, that’s clearly the way to show affection. Why give someone a hug when you can put a hole through them,” the words fall out of Stella’s mouth before she could stop them. She knows what it costs Natasha to share these memories with her, knows how rare and precious of a gift it is-- but she is so tired, and the part of her that’s a total ass just seems to come out.

Natasha doesn’t seem offended. She just speeds up the car further, and cuts through four lanes of traffic. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a jerk?”

“Yes, Yana did. All the time,” Stella says. She surprises herself at her own honesty.

Natasha does turn to her then.

So Stella tells her about Bucky-- because she realizes she does trust Natasha. She should have told her a lot sooner.

~~~

They switch cars three times before Natasha parks their stolen truck four blocks away from Sam’s house.

“Someone else you trust?” Natasha asks as they approach the house by hopping into the backyard.

“Yeah, Sharon has been very carefully editing Sam out of my surveillance logs,” Stella says as she knocks on Sam’s backyard screen door even though it was 4am.

“I told you you should have asked Sharon out,” Natasha says.

“There are all sorts of reasons I can’t do that.”

Sam opens the door after a minute, dressed in an USAF shirt and pajama pants.

She takes one look at them, and ushers them both inside. Then if as it is an afterthought, she puts away the combat knife she had tucked in the back of her waistband.

~~~

Stella tells Sam what had happened while Sam makes them breakfast. Sam doesn’t ask any questions until Stella finishes. Then she says, “you know none of this is your fault, right?”

Stella doesn’t answer, and Sam sighs. “First, we are going to deal with this evil shadowy government bullshit. Then, we’re going to spend some quality decades working on your guilt issues.”

Natasha snorts into her coffee. Stella doesn’t bother responding.

When Sam starts to break eggs into her frying pan, Stella calls Tony.

The call doesn’t go through.

“I can’t reach Tony--” Stella starts but Natasha points her toward the backyard visible through Sam’s glass door and Stella watches Tony crash land on his butt, his suit looking like it’s been chewed through by a tyrannosaurus.

Sam immediately opens the sliding doors to let Tony scramble inside. Tony collapses into a heap at the foot of Sam’s dining table.

“Any other members of the Avengers I’m expected to feed this morning?” Sam asks as she goes back to her refrigerator to get more eggs.

Stella sits on the ground next to Tony, and opens his faceplate. Tony has a nasty looking gash cross his left brow, but at least his pupils don’t seem over-dilated.

Then Stella actually sees Tony’s expression, the hurt and the confusion. “What happened?”

Tony looks up at Stella, “Hydra killed my parents.”

“What?” Stella drops her hand, which had been tilting Tony’s face toward her to examine his cut.

“Hydra is wearing a SHIELD hand puppet,” Tony says. “That’s what I found in Jersey. That’s where they kept the Nazi scientist they stored in a massive computer from the 1970s. He wrote that algorithm that wants to kill everyone. He gloated at me about how Hydra shaped the century.”

“Why would he tell you that?” Natasha asks.

“Because he was trying to distract me while they fired a Stark Industries Mark IV missile at me. It’s been specially modified for Iron Man,” Tony says. “If I didn’t have upgrades on this suit, I would have been buried in a pile of rubble in Jersey.”

Tony’s eyes are wet.

“Tony,” Stella says softly.

“He showed me a video of their death,” Tony’s voice breaks. “He showed me how my mom died.”

Stella grabbed Tony and pulled him in tightly against her. “I’m sorry.”

For a long time, no one spoke.

“What’s the endgame here?” Natasha finally breaks the silence.

“They’re launching three helicarriers equipped with long range precision guns,” Tony says as he pulls away slowly from Stella. “Once the helicarriers are airborne, they’re going to execute anyone who can resist them. That’s what the Nazi scientist’s algorithm is designed to do.”

“Project Insight,” Natasha says. “I’ve heard whispers of it. It launches in 24 hours.”

“I’ll call Rhodey,” Tony says. He holds his open palm out to Stella, “The missile knocked out all of my communication systems.”

“Did you use the phone to find me?” Stella asks as she hands Tony her Starkphone.

“Wait,” Natasha says. “SHIELD took War Machine’s suit for ‘upgrades’ eight days ago. They must have been planning for contingencies. They’re probably monitoring Col. Rhodes right now.”

“If you need a second flier, I’m in,” Sam volunteers as she puts two plates of eggs and bacon in front of Stella and Natasha. Stella stares at her. Sam shrugs, and puts a third plate of eggs and bacon on the ground near Tony.

~~~

Stella doesn’t risk calling Sharon because she knows SHIELD is probably watching her very carefully right now.

She does go with Natasha to break into Fort Meade get Sam her FALCON flight pack.

With the help of JARVIS, Tony’s driver secrets Pepper into some bunker in San Diego just in case their plan fails. But Tony can’t go back to his workshop in New York because SHIELD had evidently placed Avengers Tower on lockdown.

(“Only the Secretary of Defense can place Avengers Tower on lockdown this quickly,” Natasha had said.

“Well, that answers the question of whose side Alexander Pierce is on,” Tony says.)

Tony repairs his suit the best he can with the items available in Sam’s garage.

“Are you going to be able to put my car back together again?” Sam asks when she finds piles of metal and four wheels where her car used to be.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Tony says.

“I liked this one,” Sam says under her breath as she backs out of the garage.

With 6 hours left until launch time, they are ready to put their plans in action.

Before they head out, Sam pulls Stella aside to speak with her alone in the kitchen.

“Bucky might be there,” Sam says.

“I know.” Stella looks at the off white tiles on Sam’s kitchen floor.

“Who she used to be to you, who she used to be to Natasha--she may not be either of those people any more. Are you prepared to fight her?”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Stella says honestly.

“She might not give you a choice. She doesn’t know you any more.”

Stella looks up at Sam, at her kind eyes.

“She will,” Stella says. Stella knows she is being stubborn, but she also knows that Bucky could have killed her eight times without taking a breath once her mask broke off.

Sam sighs.

Stella smiles at Sam. “Come on, gear up. It’s time.”

“You’re going to wear that?” Sam points to the t-shirt and jeans Stella has been wearing since the hospital. “I got some blue curtains with stars on them if you want to look closer to your usual outfit.”

Stella laughs, and it sounds bitter even to her own ears. “Yeah. I’ve been fighting a war where people don’t wear their affiliation on their uniform for a while now.”

~~~

Stopping Project Insight is almost anticlimactic.

Tony and Sam disable all the helicarriers before they can take off with the help of Sharon and a group of SHIELD agents she recruited.

Sam gives Stella the play by play in her earpiece. “Agent 13 is awesome,” Sam says in awe. “She just took out one of those STRIKE guys with an office chair.”

“She clearly takes after her aunt,” Stella says, as she and Natasha break into Pierce’s office at the top of the Triskelion, the unconscious bodies of STRIKE Alpha and Charlie teams all around them.

Inside Pierce’s locked office, they find his body sitting in his chair with a gaping bullet hole in his head.

“It’s her,” Natasha says immediately.

Stella nods as they move closer to examine the body.

“Single shot,” Natasha says, “if we looked, I’m sure we’ll find the Soviet slug somewhere here.”

“Do you think she remembers me? Remembers us?” Stella asks softly.

“I don’t know.” Natasha picks up two flash drives sitting side by side on Pierce’s desk. “But I think she left us presents.”

~~~

Bucky’s presents turn out to be the key into unlocking a trove of Hydra documents within the mainframe of SHIELD’s information systems-- including the identification and recruitment methods of Hydra operatives.

JARVIX finds the Hydra file on Bucky under the name Yana Yakova like Stella had suspected.

Tony makes Stella come to the Avenger Tower to read it.

Tony has JARVIS set it up on a display screen inside Stella’s old apartment.

“Why am I here?” Stella asks even though she suspects she knows the answer.

“Because you’ll want to be alone while you read this, but you shouldn’t be alone afterward,” Tony says, then leaves the room before Stella can respond.

~~~

_Asset showed agitation after over 48 hours of continuous consciousness. A 30 percent increase in electricity was needed for subject reinitiatization. Recommend less than 24 hours of continuous use..._

_Word string initialization sequence significantly weakening in effect. Asset spoke English during initialization. Recommend review of asset’s personal history-- it may contain inaccuracies. Electro-shock treatment continues to be effective in subject containment..._

_Asset showed signs of attachment to juvenile inductees of the Black Widow project. Termination of asset’s participation in that project to begin immediately..._

_Double mastectomy performed without complications. Body armor efficiency and increased arm mobility expected..._

_Asset carried out the assassination of Howard and Maria Stark on tape as directed. Asset displayed significant physiological variance afterward. The physiological response may suggest asset had known the targets, and reacted to the deaths. Recommend review of asset’s personal history--it may contain inaccuracies..._

_Asset continues to vomit after being taken out of cryogenic storage. Recommend feeding through food tubes when necessary..._

_Recommend the use of a mouthguard during electroshock initialization process. Asset bit through her lips three times during the last usage period, the bleeding and subsequent healing delayed the procedure..._

~~~

“Captain Rogers,” JARVIS' voice brings Stella out of her stupor. She realizes she had been sitting in the darkness for a while now after reading Bucky’s file. Her eyes almost swollen shut from crying.

“Yeah?” Stella responds, her voice thick.

“There is a call from Mr. Stark, if you would like to answer.”

“Not really, but put him through.” Stella doesn’t know how much time had passed or if Tony actually needed something.

“You wanna punch something?” Tony’s voice came through the speakers. “I got my suit on, and three spare suits powered by AI on the ninetieth floor simulation room. Let’s beat the crap out of each other until we feel better.”

“I’m on my way.”

~~~

“Stella! Stella! Stella!”

When Stella finally lets Tony’s voice reach her, she has severed the heads of two of Tony’s unmanned suits, and she was crushing the breastplate of the third with her bare hands. She was bleeding all over the painted metal.

Stella takes a breath and lets go of the AI suit.

Tears are streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Stella chokes out.

Tony slowly approaches her, like she is a feral animal. Maybe she is.

“Yeah, I spent some quality time with two bottles of scotch and my toilet after reading that file,” Tony says. Then he is right beside her, and he has his arms around her. “But I figured punching things was more your style.”

Stella sobs into the shoulder of Tony’s suit.

After a minute, Tony says, “I’m really bad at this. I’m bad at hugs in general. Do you want me to get Pepper? I got Wilson’s number somewhere too.”

Stella shakes her head and sobs harder.

When Stella’s tears eventually run out. She finally pulls away from Tony.

Tony says, “I never figured you for such an ugly crier.”

Stella laughs, and deliberately wipes some of her snot on Tony’s breastplate. Tony recoils in horror.

~~~

Natasha and Sam show up at Stella’s apartment in Avengers Tower together. Natasha brings a bottle of vodka, and Sam brings four boxes of donuts.

“That doesn’t have any effect on me,” Stella points to the alcohol, then shoves a donut into her mouth.

“Who says any of it is for you?” Natasha opens a cabinet in Stella’s kitchen and gets out two shot glasses. Stella wonders if Natasha has an apartment in the Tower too and if all of them are configured the same way, or if Natasha just knows exactly where everything is inside Stella’s apartment.

Natasha offers the second shot glass to Sam, who takes it.

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asks. “We’re going after your girl?”

“Yes.”

Sam takes a sip of her vodka, then grimaces. “When do we start?” 

“You don’t have to come with me--” Sam gives her a look that stops Stella mid sentence.

Natasha slams her vodka back. “You sure she wants to be found?”

Stella shakes her head. “I know it’s for me, but I--”

“Hey, it’s okay to do it for you,” Sam says and hands Stella another donut. “Just be ready if she isn’t ready to see you yet.”

Stella takes the donut and nods.

“Stay here another week,” Natasha says. “Maybe Yana will reach out to you.”

Stella looks at her in surprise.

“She never told Hydra her real name,” Natasha says. “She knew what they were trying to do to her, and she never gave them her real life. They could never completely erase who she was because they didn’t know her.”

Stella nods uncertainly.

Natasha slams back another vodka. “Do you know why she shot through me?”

“Wowa? She shot you?” Sam asks.

Natasha lifts her shirt to show Sam her scar. “Like surgery. Through and through, missing all vital organs.”

Stella shakes her head. “I assumed she shot through you because you were covering the scientist you were protecting with your body.”

“She shot through me because she wanted to give me the scar.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. Why?” Sam says, crossing her arms.

“Because she knows what the Soviets used us for when she was training us,” Natasha says. “She wanted to make sure SHIELD could not do the same. This scar is large enough that it makes me pretty distinctive naked. Yana wanted to make it difficult for SHIELD to send me out on missions that required me to be naked.”

Realization dawns on Stella-- “She remembered you and the Black Widow project-- they must have wiped her and froze her several times between those missions. But she still remembered--”

“Stark let me read her file. The first wipe they did of her was the most brutal and the most thorough,” Natasha says quickly. “So don't get your hopes up-- ”

Stella stuffs a donut in Natasha’s mouth to prevent her from finishing her sentence. “Too late.”

~~~

Two days later, Stella gets a postcard from Germany addressed to Stella Rogers care of Stark Industries. There is no message on it, but on the postcard was a duck in a fountain in Berlin.

Stella smiles so hard Sam tells her she looks demented.

~~~

Before they set off for Europe, Tony sends DUM-E to Stella’s room with a key.

“What is this?” Stella asks JARVIS.

“It’s a key for Sergeant Barnes’s apartment on the eighty-third floor,” JARVIS answers. “Should she like to join you here.”

Stella stares at the key for a long time before she goes to find Tony in his lab.

Tony is tinkering with a flying drone of some kind. Stella suspect it’s a toy that he’s making for Sam to make up for the car he cannibalized.

“You’re a good man, Tony,” Stella says.

“That is slanderous. I’ll sue,” Tony says without looking up from his work table.

“You also have the emotional maturity of an eight year old,” Stella says as she walks to him and pulls him into a bear hug.

Tony awkwardly hugs back. “I’m bad at hugging. Didn’t we have this conversation before?”

Stella squeezes him harder. “Thank you.”

Tony tenses for a moment before he relaxes. “You’re welcome,” he says quietly.

~~~

Stella and Sam go to the fountain on the postcard in Berlin (Natasha declines with a smile), and find a stuffed duck toy left there. Bucky is clearly watching them.

Underneath the duck, they find the coordinates to a Hydra cell just outside of the city.

When Stella is putting restraints on the last of the Hydra cell members, she sees a flash of something in her periphery vision. A glint of metal-- and Stella knows it’s Bucky. Stella drops the unconscious Hydra guy in front of her, and runs after Bucky.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine here cuffing these guys, thanks for asking,” Sam yells from behind her. Stella smiles but doesn’t slow down.

Stella follows Bucky for at least fifteen minutes before she realizes Bucky is leading her somewhere specific rather than trying to lose her. Stella gamely follows, until she finds herself at the edge of a giant rave.

Stella has some idea of what a rave is because Tony made her watch an enormous amount of television after the Battle of New York, but she wasn’t ready for the wall of noise, the feel of the base pounding in her chest, the enormity of the crowd.

And there, just fifty feet ahead of her, Bucky is weaving back and forth in the middle of it. Somehow, Bucky is moving with the crowd rather than against it-- slowly swaying with a gyrating mass of humanity. It is almost hypnotizing to watch.

Stella tries to make her way through the crowd to get to her, but Bucky is gone by the time Stella manages to progress ten feet into the fray.

~~~

Three weeks later, Stella gets a postcard from Mumbai.

Stella and Sam take out a mostly abandoned underground Hydra facility lodged near the Siddhivinayak Temple.

One of the Hydra guards shoots them with some sort of a slime weapon before Stella takes him out with her shield. Stella is wiping slime off her face when she sees Bucky again.

“Go on, go get your girl,” Sam says as she unsticks her feet from the ground. “You can pay for my dry cleaning later.”

This time, Stella loses Bucky on a chaotic film set. Bucky is the only spot of black in a sea of bright red, yellow, and green, but she somehow disappears into the colors.

Stella sighs, and lets herself get stuck to the ground by the slime as she watches thirty or so actresses dance in a production number that reminds Stella of the movies she used to watch before the war.

~~~

It takes following Bucky into a club in Santa Fe, Argentina, for Stella to realize what Bucky is doing.

“You can take me dancing any time,” Stella calls out after Bucky as Bucky disappears behind a set of doors that leads to a balcony. She is certain that Bucky can hear her.

Stella doesn’t push her luck. She sits down at the table closest to her, and lets herself enjoy the melodic guitar music, and watches three sets of couples tango.

~~~

Bucky leads Stella and Sam to destroy Hydra bases in St. Petersburg, Hong Kong, Johannesburg, and Austin.

Natasha tells them that Bucky has taken out six others on her own in rural areas. Stella wants to ask Natasha if she thinks Bucky acted on her own in those locations because there were no good dancing venues nearby, but she doesn’t because the question sounds crazy even when she just thinks about it in her head.

~~~

Four months after they stop Project Insight, Stella gets a postcard with a familiar photo on it.

“Isn’t that the arch thing at Grand Army Plaza?” Sam asks when she sees it.

“Yeah, it is,” Stella says. It’s outside of Prospect Park in Brooklyn.

Unlike the other postcards, this one has a time written on it in Bucky’s small precise handwriting.

~~~

Stella puts on a yellow dress that Pepper helped her pick out.

She leaves her shield behind. She knows Sam thinks she’s being reckless, but Sam doesn’t challenge her decision.

At 8pm, she boards the crowded 4 train alone, and lets herself gets lost in the mass of humanity moving noisily through Manhattan.

At Borough Hall, she exits with a large group of people to switch to the 2 train. She thinks about how the station hasn’t changed as much since the 40s as she walks unhurriedly down the corridor between the trains. If she catches the glint of metal behind her, she doesn’t turn around.

She is back in Brooklyn for the first time since the war.

When she walks up the subway station at Grand Army Plaza, there are still a few people milling about. It’s not quite time yet, so Stella strolls over to the Brooklyn Library. It’s closed, but Stella wonders for a moment if they still have a record of her library card-- if they still have a record of Bucky’s.

Then, without warning, Bucky is beside her.

Bucky is wearing a red henley and jeans. Her hair is a little longer than when Stella saw her back on that rooftop in DC.

She is best thing Stella has seen this century.

“Do you remember me?” Stella asks stupidly.

“I’m taking you dancing, aren’t I?” Bucky says with a brittle smile. Stella feels all of the air rushing into her lungs at once.

There are a thousand things Stella wants to say, but none of them can get past her throat.

Bucky looks at her and offers her hand, Stella takes it.

They walk hand in hand in silence to a club that is probably only a few blocks away, but Stella has no memory how she got there, her sole focus on Bucky-- she is cataloguing all the ways Bucky looks the same, and all the tiny spots of differences.

Music is pouring out into the street at the club, its rhythm and beat sounding a little like the lindy hop.

Bucky takes them inside, she leads Stella onto the dance floor and slowly picks up Stella’s right hand with her metal one.

There are all sorts of couples dancing around the small space, moving and laughing together. Stella knows they are there, but she barely registers them.

“Okay?” Bucky asks softly. Somehow audible above the noise.

Stella nods, and feels Bucky’s other hand circling her waist in the closed position. They have danced together hundreds of times like this, except this all feels new.

Stella doesn’t even realize she’s shaking until Bucky pulls them closer together, until they are touching hip to hip, chest to chest.

“They call this merengue,” Bucky says quietly into Stella’s hair. “Ready to try it?”

Stella isn’t sure how she showed her agreement. If she nods, or speaks, or just starts to move, but between one breath and the next, they’re dancing together.

Bucky moves them so close that it feels like they are one being swaying their hips together with the music, and Bucky doesn’t let them separate--beat after beat after beat.

Stella moves with her as if in a trance. They could be dancing to one song or six, Stella loses all grasp of time. But when the music changes to a slower song, Bucky swings her around and then they are touching front to back.

Bucky lowers her lips on the side of Stella’s nape, not kissing, just touching it there-- breathing her in. And Stella feels that point of connection like an ignition switch, scorching the rest of her body.

They are still moving to the music when Stella finally moves her head, leaning toward Bucky until they are kissing. It starts softly--barely whispers of their lips. Then Stella opens her mouth slightly, and Bucky licks inside. Abruptly, the kiss becomes possessive. Bucky slowly kissing her open--

“Bucky--” Stella nearly moans as they break for breath.

“Come-- come with me,” Bucky says and Stella nods as Bucky takes her hand.

They don’t run, but it’s a fast trek, as Bucky and Stella walk hand in hand to a brownstone a block away. Bucky guides Stella to the top of the walk-up, and take her inside a tiny studio apartment.

Stella takes a second to look around, at the tiny desk with a couple of notebooks scattered about, at the unused stove, at the futon on the ground-- before Bucky is kissing her again.

It’s four walls and a bed-- something they never had during the war. The realization hits Stella all at once, and tears are pouring out of her before she could stop them.

Bucky notices immediately and stops.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asks.

“I never thought I could have this-- I thought you were gone--”

“I thought I was gone too,” Bucky says softly as she pulls Stella down to the futon, until they are lying side by side, just holding each other. “Not real sure that I’m all here-- all those people I killed--”

“That wasn’t you!” Stella tightens her hold around Bucky. “I know what they did-- you had no choice.”

“I know. But I still did them--”

“No. You survived them. You came back to me--”

Bucky looks at her, and Stella was helpless to do anything but look back.

“I hid you in the corner of my mind so they couldn’t get to you.” Carefully, Bucky ran her metal hand through Stella’s hair. “I hid you so far inside of me even I couldn’t get to you after a while. But then you said my name-- and I-- I couldn’t stay away from you.”

“Oh Buck.” She kisses Bucky again, trying to put everything she was feeling in her kiss. Bucky kisses her back. Then they were drowning in it--inhaling each other’s want.

Stella presses kisses down Bucky’s shirt, touching her lips to Bucky’s collarbone.

She feels Bucky’s hands unzipping the back of her dress. Bucky’s metal fingers tracing each inch of her revealed spine--sending shivers of pleasure through her. Suddenly there were too much clothes between them, and Stella shrugs off her dress in one motion and tosses it across the room.

She moves to pull off Bucky’s shirt.

“Wait--”

Stella pulls her hand back immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Bucky doesn’t speak for a moment-- then she lowers her eyes slightly. “My breasts-- Zola cut them off because they weren’t needed.”

Bucky shakes herself with a bitter laugh. “I was the fist of Hydra. They didn’t need my womanly bits for that. I could hold a rifle better without them.”

“Let me see.” Stella hears herself saying.

“It’s not pretty--”

“Let me see, please.”

Bucky looks up at her, whatever she sees on Stella’s face must convinces her to continue. Bucky slowly peels off her shirt, and reveals the layers of scars around her metal arm, like white ropes braided down her shoulders. The mastectomy scars are two light colored crescents over slightly sunken skin where Bucky’s breasts used to be.

Stella takes her time to look. To study all the marks of Bucky’s 70 years of imprisonment and torture. When she looks back at Bucky’s face, Bucky’s eyes are closed. There are tiny suggestions of fine lines starting at the corner of her eyes marking the passage of time.

“Bucky, look at me,” Stella says softly.

Bucky opens her eyes slowly, and meets Stella’s gaze. “Not much of a woman any more-- I’d look awful in a dress now--”

“You’re beautiful,” Stella says. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Stella almost expects Bucky to make a joke, to deny it-- but Bucky just looks back at Stella-- and Stella knows Bucky believes her. Bucky has always been the best at reading everything off Stella’s face.

Then Stella kisses Bucky’s chest, trace her tongue along the edge of Bucky’s crescent scar, and Bucky’s eyes flutter close again.

“We finally have four walls and a bed,” Stella says as she moves from kissing one side of Bucky’s chest to the other. “Someone promised me she wasn’t going to stop what we were doing when we have four walls and a bed.”

Stella knows Bucky’s smiling without looking.

“Who said anything about stopping, jerk,” Bucky says. Then she pulls Stella up to her, and they don’t stop-- Stella doesn’t plan to ever stop again.

~~~

They spend the night touching and loving each other-- kissing every inch of skin-- all the places that Stella has fantasized about, but never gotten a chance to taste. She feels drunk with each touch, sated for the first time in forever.

Stella doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when she opens her eyes, light is streaking through the thin breaks in the newspaper covered windows.

Bucky is standing by the sink, watching her with a cup of coffee in her hand. She hasn’t bothered putting any of her clothes back on, her metal arm softly whirring as she puts the cup back down on the counter in the galley kitchen.

Bucky closes the distance between them in one stride, and kisses Stella chastely on the lips.

Stella feels herself relax into the kiss. “Good morning.”

“Iron Man and your friend with the wings are both standing on the roof right now,” Bucky says. “They’re pacing. I think they’re trying to figure out if they should break into the apartment or not.”

Stella laughs. “I guess I better tell them I’m okay before they break in.” She goes to find her phone in her abandoned dress.

She texts Sam. _Everything is great. Do not come in._ Then she adds a donut emoji so Sam knows it’s her.

When she looks back at Bucky, Bucky is looking at her with everything Stella always wanted, and Stella feels the world shift on its axis and all the air in the room whooshing out.

“Stay-- stay with me,” the words fall out of her mouth. “Come home with me--”

Bucky looks at her again, like she couldn’t believe she was seeing Stella-- then Bucky slowly nods, the corner of her mouth softens, and the edges of her eyes crinkle.

On a bright Tuesday morning in Brooklyn, Stella Rogers comes home from the war.


End file.
